Gone

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Seventeen:

After I left Ash's house I went to Aaron's because I didn't want to go home to find my dad drunk or passed out or hung over from yesterday. When I'd left that morning he'd still been asleep and I was trying to keep busy so I didn't have to stay home with him.

Aaron's mom let me in and I went straight upstairs to his bedroom. I heard the sound of Aaron's voice, even though I was all of the way down the hall from his room.

As I made my way closer I began to make out words, "I didn't...she was helping me...she wanted it too! I didn't mean to...Yeah, I know, Jordan." I made it to his door, knowing it was a bad idea to snoop but also knowing I wouldn't be able to keep my nosy-ness in check when I knocked because he'd probably hang up once he realized I was there.

I hovered outside of the door, waiting. My stomach was doing that thing it does when you know you're doing something wrong but you just can't...stop. Like it's flipping with butterflies.

"I didn't mean to do it! We used protection! Jordan, I can't do anything about it!!!.....oh yeah?....Really?....just...don't tell anybody! I'll figure it out! It's not like Kirsten'll tell anyone..... She's such a bitch....if that dyke comes anywhere near me again I swear, even if she's a girl I'll beat the shit out of her like last time!"

What is he talking about? I'd never heard this side of Aaron. His voice was hard, filled with anger and rage, like he didn't care about anything. Usually he was smiling and really laid back, making jokes and everything, that was a reason why I liked him so much. He went with the flow and just let life carry him.

Kirsten. Ash's sister, what was he talking about? What had Ash's sister ever done? When I'd meet her the times I'd been at Ash's house she looked really quiet.

Dyke. Where had I heard that before? I wasn't sure and I didn't know what it meant. But the fact that Aaron talked about a 'she' and a fight between him and a girl I could only assume he was talking about Ash. What did she have to do with anything?

I was thoroughly lost and decided I would listen more, unable to hold in my curiosity.

"Jordan! Just shut up! I don't know what I'm going to do but I'm not telling my parents. End of story and if Kirsten tells anyone it was me who got her pregnant nobody'll believe her...."

I stopped listening after that, feeling my heart break, literally, in my chest. Pregnant means sex, and Ash didn't move here until just before Aaron and I started going out. So, if my jumping to conclusions were correct, then Aaron cheated on me.

Just the thought that Aaron, a guy I'd know and looked up to my whole life, would do that made tears threaten to spill. But the fact that I'd liked him, been in love with him, all of this time made me feel like an idiot for not realizing how much of a jerk he actually was.

I stumbled away from the door, staring at one of the walls blankly, trying to wrap my head around this. But I couldn't, my brain was completely blank I couldn't think.

I didn't hear Aaron stop talking, or hang up the phone. I didn't hear him open his door and walk out into the hallway, neither did I hear him say whatever it was that he was saying. I was that shocked. That numb. That....lost and confused.

"What?" I finally got out breathlessly, forcing myself to look at him, trying to focus but finding myself unable to do so.

"Were you listening to my conversation?" Aaron asked, his eyes wide, like he was a deer caught in the headlights.

I nodded numbly and stayed frozen in my spot.

Aaron's eyes grew wider, if that was even possible, "Holly, I'm sorry, can you listen to my explanation? Please?"

I shook my head and blinked my eyes, feeling emotions cloud my brain all of a sudden. It was like the crashing of a wave a loud torrent of water dousing me with sudden, intense emotion.

"Aaron...." My voice cracked then. Why now? Of all times did it have to crack? I wanted to seem strong, like this didn't affect me, it didn't seem like my plan would work. Did I even have a plan? No, I didn't.

I cleared my throat, hoping my voice wouldn't crack a second time, I said, " Aaron....we're over."

It was probably one of the hardest things I will ever have to say. The way he looked at me, like his heart was breaking in his chest, his mouth hanging open in shock. He probably never thought I would break up with him, if I was being completely honest, I never thought I would break up with him either.

"Holly...wait...." Aaron's voice broke a little and he stepped towards me, "don't do this. Please. Let me explain."

I wanted to. Nobody know's how badly I wanted to just let him talk and tell me it was a lie. That he never cheated on me, I wanted to just let him lie and explain to me that he loved me. That I miss heard everything that everything was fine.

"No, Aaron. I'm leaving." I averted my eyes and walked around him. I rushed down the stairs.

"Holly! Wait! Please let me explain! Please!" He called after me, pleading, his voice a pitch higher than normal. I felt his hand on my bruised arm and flinched away, jerking it away.

I didn't turn around and continued towards the door. "Holly!" His voice was strangled now, I thought he might cry, and if he did, I knew I would break, "don't do this. Please, Holly, please don't. It was a mistake, I promise it won't happen again, I care about you so much, Hol. Just please give me another chance. Please, Holly, I'm begging you."

I shook my head and clenched my jaw. Trying to blink away my tears. This was so hard. Too hard. I couldn't do it. I couldn't just leave. I couldn't.

"Aaron..." I cleared my throat trying seem unaffected, "did you have sex with Ash's sister? Kirsten?"

Aaron looked down, making a puppy dog face and staring at his feet. "Yes, I did."

"Why?" I asked, attempting to stay nonchalant about all of this, even though my heart was being torn apart.

"I can't tell you why. But-"

"If you can't tell me, Aaron, then obviously I'm not worth the truth." I turned back to him, standing close and narrowing my eyes at him. Anger replaced my sadness and heartbroken-ness.

Aaron sighed and rolled his head back, "Do you want me to ruin your image of Ashlynn? I know you care about her, I know she's a close friend of yours and I don't want to hurt you. I've never wanted to hurt you."

"That's not the point, Aaron. Tell me why you slept with Kirsten while you were with me." I crossed my arms.

"I....I....I don't want to hurt you." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"Fine." I spun around and opened his front door. I stepped out, hoping he might stop me and give some good reason to take him back. But he didn't, he stayed silent and I didn't want to turn around. I made it to my car and didn't look back.

I quickly started the car and sped off. Where? I wasn't sure. All I knew was that I needed chocolate.

Author's Note: This'll probably be out of order because it's screwed up. So the long awaited chapter and the lady sentence is inspired by my best friend's love of chocolate ;)