You Crack Me Up, Steven (A Sam & Max + Steven Universe Crossover)

Chapter 1

It was the most intense battle anyone, be they gem or gem/human hybrid, could ever endure. Two gladiators, Amethyst and Steven Universe, stared each other down; their eyes filled with the white-hot intensity of a thousand shooting stars. Rubber mallets in hand as they prepared for combat.

"I never thought it'd come to this," Steven spoke first.

"We both knew it was only a matter of time," Amethyst replied, matching his intensity.

"I've been training my whole life for this," Steven raised his mallet in glory. "I'm ready for anything."

"Oh really?" Amethyst raised her own mallet. "Go ahead then, make my day!"

The heat was on. Nothing would stop these two miniature titans from fighting their most perilous fight yet-

RIIIIIIIIING!

"WAK-A-RAT!!!"

The bell rang and the game began. Steven and Amethyst mercilessly started whacking rats left and right at the newest arcade game at the Funland Arcade. Steven bopped and whacked rats on the left as quickly as possible. . Amethyst, using shape shifting to gain extra arms, smacked and slaughtered rats to the right. No plastic rat was safe from these two goofballs.

Even though Steven was banned from going on the rides at Funland after a little incident, Mr. Smiley still allowed him to play in the arcade... As long as he had money. So Steven and Amethyst thought it would be fun to get out of the beach house temple for the day and have a little fun, starting with playing this new arcade game. After a while of merciless rat-whacking, the winner sign flashed repeatedly. The battle was over and the two cheered in victory.

"Woo-hooo! We're the rat-whacking champions!" Steven whooped.

"YEAH! The winner airplane ain't stoppin' anytime, boy!!" Amethyst hollered before stuffing her mallet down her throat into her bottomless stomach. "Hey, when did the arcade get THIS game, anyway?"

"Beats me," Steven shrugged, "I just saw it in here yesterday. But hey, we won the prize!!"

Steven pointed to the prize slot of the Wak-A-Rat game, reached in, and pulled out an old flashlight. Steven eyed the partially broken spoil of victory.

Amethyst, on the other hand, wasn't that thrilled, as her face drooped in a frown.

"Hey, what a rip! It doesn't even have a lightbulb!"

"Uh, th-that's ok," Steven reassured. "It can still be a ... A broken, lightless badge of our rat-whacking victory!"

Only Steven could put a positive spin on winning a worthless prize. After that, Steven and Amethyst made their way out of the arcade.

"Just saying, all the rats I smashed, they could at least add a lightbulb or somethin'," Amethyst muttered to herself.

Amethyst looked around shiftily, and stuffed the whole flashlight down her gullet. Satisfied that her number one fan had fun at the arcade, she followed Steven out the exit... But neither one of them noticed they were the only ones inside the arcade... Even Mr. Smiley was missing.

Even if the duo had noticed, they wouldn't care; for the moment they stepped outside, boredness started to consume them both as they slumped. "Meh, now I'm bored," Amethyst moaned.

"Me too," Steven slumped, but quickly perks up. "B-but it's still really cool to get out for the day, Amethyst."

"Pssh, ain't no thing, Stee-man," Amethyst smirked. "After the work on the drill we've been doing, I think getting away from the barn or out of the temple ain't gonna kill us."

"Yeah, just wish working with Peridot wasn't making everyone so tense," Steven sighed. He was probably the only one who could stand the latest addition to the temple -he never told the other gems this, but mostly he liked having someone to teach things about earth after all the years of HIM being taught.

Steven thought of something, "Which reminds me, are you still-"

"YES Steven, I'm still good," Amethyst rolled her eyes at Steven's concern, "It's gonna take a LOT more than Homenerd being a buttface to shatter THIS rock!" Truth be told, Peridot calling her 'a defective quartz' still left a scar, but she couldn't let Steven know that.

"I know, I guess it's just hard to relax lately," Steven admitted. "With Malachite still out there, the Cluster, all those fusion experiments... And I MAY still have some issues I need to work out from the whole Sardonyx incident." Steven fidgeted with his fingers awkwardly at that last one.

"You and me both, buddy," Amethyst rubbed her neck awkwardly. "But come on, Stee-man, there ain't no butt we can't kick! Besides, you're still WAAAY too young to be freaking out like this... Unless you're Pearl, then it's hilarious!" Amethyst playfully ruffled Steven's hair, making him giggle; she always liked hearing her number one fan laugh.

Then, a new idea popped into her head. "Buuut HEY! I know one thing that perks up Stee-mans, AND cures boredom!"

Steven gasped excitedly as stars appeared in his eyes. "You mean... The bits?"

"The bits," Amethyst smirked.

The fun-loving duo cheered loudly as they sprinted towards one of their all-time favorite restaurants, Beach Citywalk Fries. The whole time the goofy duo chanted "THE BITS! THE BITS! THE BITS! THE BITS," over and over.

Steven scooted up to window counter with a dollar, "A bagful of your finest bits, my good sir," he asked, trying to sound like the civil-i-fied part human/part gem he was.

"YEAH-AH!!! NOTHING BUT DEM BIIITS, SON!!!" Shouted a not-so civil-i-fied Amethyst.

The two of them waited for a few seconds... But no bits came out. In fact, there was no one even at the counter.

"Hey! Where're the bits?!" Amethyst complained.

Steven peeked his head in the window, "Uh... Mr. Fryman? .. Peedee? ... Ronaldo?"

"Helloooo? Weird paranoid guy who kidnapped Steven and made that stupid documentary?" Amethyst stuck her head in too and looked around. Sill no one to be found, "Huh. Guess they're not open."

"AAAAWWWW!" Steven moaned. "My hopes for fry bits have been dashed... I feel empty inside."

"Eh, whatevs," Amethyst shrugged, noticing Fish Stew Pizza right next door. "How 'bout some pizza?"

"Suddenly I feel whole again!" Steven perked up. They rushed over to Fish Stew Pizza, thinking the Pizza family would give them a discount during their time of need. However, when Steven peered into the restaurant, he noticed something was off.

"What the-? ...Hey! There's no one here either!"

Amethyst groaned, "What? They can't be closed too!" This was starting to get scary, it seemed like everywhere was closed, "Uh... Donuts?!"

The duo ran faster than ever before to the Big Donut, praying like mad that they would be open. However, they took one step inside and-

"Empty?!"

It was true, no sign of Lars nor Sadie inside. Steven's heart sank, "This-this can't be happening! Three of the best food places in the universe-"

"Eh, still say that pizza ain't that good," Amethyst muttered.

"ALL CLOSED!?" Steven fell to his knees, "WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THIS CITY?!?!"

Something clicked in Amethyst's head; she peeked outside the door and looked around at the empty streets. "Uh... Steven, I don't think it's just the food places. Did you happen to see ANYONE out today?"

"No, I didn't. There wasn't anyone at the arcade either!" The two glanced nervously at each other... looks like break time was over, and it was going to be one of those days.