You Crack Me Up, Steven (A Sam & Max + Steven Universe Crossover)

Chapter 10

It had taken at least an hour before things in Beach City returned to normal... Or at least as normal as things get for a place guarded by the Crystal Gems. The kidnapped victims -except for Connie and Greg of course- were brought back to their homes and put in bed. Luckily, Max always carried a spare boxing glove in case someone needs to be knocked out of a hypnotic trance... Or if he needs a chuckle between cases. As far as the victims knew, the last 24 hours was all just a scary dream. But Onion was nowhere to be found. Maybe it was for the best; next time Steven met up with him, he would have a LOT to say to the little weirdo.

The nine of them gathered at the border between Beach City and the Barn with Greg's van and the DeSoto. Greg had volunteered to drive the gems back to the barn and to take Connie home... AFTER Steven told them everything that had happened. Naturally, Connie and Greg's jaws had dropped after they were filled in.

"Wait... He was seriously going to make you turn your shield on yourself!?" Connie asked.

"Yup," Steven admitted. "And this shield once took out a TV! I don't wanna see what it could do to my HEAD!"

Greg pulled Steven into a bear hug. "Well I'm just glad you didn't have to find out, Kiddo. I mean, if ANYONE EVER tried to threaten my little buddy when I'm NOT under some crazy hypno spell... Well I have no idea what I'd do, but it WON'T be pretty!" He put Steven down when he could see Steven's face turning blue.

"Well I wouldn't worry about Mack Salmon any more, Mr. Universe," Sam reassured. "My little buddy and I will send that culprit cod up the river!"

"He'll fry for this," Max grinned. "Get it? Fish? Fry?"

Pearl giggled slightly at Max's joke... But hid her laughter when Amethyst smirked at her.

"AND you got to team up with two comic book characters?!" Connie queried again. "...I should be asking if any of this should be possible... But I'm just glad you're alright and you saved us... Again." She pulled Steven into a gentler hug, which Steven happily returned.

"Well, I couldn't have done it without the gems... Or my new friends, Sam & Max: Freelance Police!" Steven explained happily.

"Aww shucks," Sam said modestly.

"Yes... Thank you, Sam & Max," Pearl thanked awkwardly. "You two are peculiar-"

"That's putting it mildly," Peridot grumbled.

"-But," Pearl continued. "I must admit, you two do get the job done... Somehow. I'm just surprised you stuck by us after we... Well mostly Peridot and I kept doubting you."

"Well, you wouldn't be the first..." Sam admitted. "Max and I take pride in proving wrong all those who've ever doubted us."

"Egotistical violence is the 7th best kind of violence," Max chimed in.

"But still, I wouldn't brood over the bygone feelings of regret, Pearl. We all make mistakes, and there's a high chance you might fall on your face. But, you gotta get up, because wouldn't you rather stand tall than live on your knees? 'Cause you're all conquerors and won't accept defeat," Sam simply stated. The gems smiled warmly at Sam's speech.

"That was a beautiful speech, Sam." Max sniffled. "...Wasn't that on the back of a Captain Crunch cereal box?"

"Beats me, Chowderhead," Sam shrugged. "I heard it in a song once."

"I like it," Garnet smirked.

Sam suddenly thought of something.

"Ooh! I almost forgot!" He cleared his throat. "Steven, for your bone-headed bravery to go above and beyond the call of an average human/mineral cross-breed-"