You Crack Me Up, Steven (A Sam & Max + Steven Universe Crossover)

Chapter 4

"THIS DRIVE WENT BAD SO FAST!!!!" Pearl shrieked and screamed in horror as the DeSoto rocketed down the road at top speed, swerving and skidding along the way.

Sam was of course doing the driving with Steven safely secured in the passenger's seat wearing a helmet -Pearl's idea. The rest of the gems were crammed in the back; Amethyst sleeping peacefully unaware of the madness of Sam's driving, Pearl shrieking and screaming in fear and panic, Garnet in the middle being her usual stoic self, and Peridot... Strapped into a car seat for toddlers and looking grumpy. Max, having no room in the backseat for himself, decided to engage in his favorite pastime: surfing on the hood of the DeSoto, leaving only enough room for Sam to see and not kill them all. Pearl leaned her head out in anger.

"Maxamillion!! Get back in this car right now, young... Bunny-thing!!"

"Oh climb off it, lady," Max sassed. "I've been highway surfing before those pinheads on the internet made it 'trendy!' And, if I might add, doing it better."

Pearl groaned and turned to her leader. "Garnet, how can you stay so calm?!"

Sure, Garnet LOOKED calm and stoic as usual on the outside, but inside she could feel Ruby and Sapphire clinging to each other in fear, too afraid to let go of each other. "Actually, I'm terrified," Garnet plainly said.

Peridot squirmed in her seat, "Remind me again, why am I forced to be confined into this primitive seat designed for INFANT HUMANS?! I cannot even begin to exclaim how demeaning this is to a certified Kindergartener!!"

"Sorry, Miss Kindergartener," Sam joked. "But it was the only seat we could find that'd support your diminutive state."

"Plus, you look so CUTE in it!" Steven gushed, Peridot pouted at this. Steven thought of something. "Hey Sam, where are we going?"

"We're following the trail, Steven!" Sam exclaimed.

"What trail?" Pearl asked frightened.

Sam pulled out a map and some documents from a manilla folder. "THIS trail! The Commissioner's long distance radar picked up some strange supersonic gobbledygook waves coming from some forsaken patch of abandoned land."

"Supersonic waves?" Pearl snapped out of her panic and asked. "Do you suppose that has anything to do with-"

"Oh boy. Sam," Max groaned, interrupting Pearl. "There's a guy behind us who looks T-O'd!"

"Oh is there?" Sam snarled. "Well I know a thing or two about dealing with irate drivers, little buddy. Who is it?"

"The 2:45 freight train."

Everyone looked back and, sure enough, there was a freight train coming up right behind the car... Which was barreling down a line of train tracks. Pearl opened her mouth to scream... but no sound came out.

"What is the Pearl doing?" Peridot queried.

"I believe she's screaming at a frequency only heard by dolphins," Sam answered. Suddenly, all the windows on the car shattered, causing Max to fall right onto Steven's lap.

"-And windows apparently," Max added, causing Steven to giggle.

Garnet finally asked, "How long until we're there? I'm starting to get claustrophobic." Pearl was clinging to her for dear life.

"Oh, our exit should be coming up right about.... NOW!"

Sam turned the wheel fiercely, as the DeSoto drove right off the railway tracks... And started free-falling towards a canyon. Everyone screamed -except the sleeping Amethyst and Garnet- as they plunged further and further down. Steven screamed in excitement, Pearl shrieked in fear, Peridot clung to the handlebars on her seat for dear life, and Sam and Max harmonized along with the screams. The car was only a few hundred feet from smashing into the ground, when-