You Crack Me Up, Steven (A Sam & Max + Steven Universe Crossover)

Chapter 7

After a couple of minutes, the trio noticed that the hypnotized citizens had stopped marching. Now they were neatly lined up in two straight lines, like soldiers waiting to receive orders, in the large and ominous hexagon-shaped room.

"Ooooh, science-fictiony geometry! Where are we, Sam?" Max asked.

"Hmmm, in a high-tech geometrically-shaped command center of sorts. No doubt the work of alien lifeforms who've played too many Star Fox games," Sam guessed.

"This is the Kindergarten Control Room," Steven explained, waving his hands in front of the entranced Connie and Greg. "This is where Peridot keeps all her logs... And where she checked on those creepy fusion experiments."

"Fascinating," Sam looked around. "Curious, what kind of criminal sci-fi fanatic would hijack a gem origin control center and kidnap two A-list humans and a bunch of B and C-list neighbors?"

"That would be MY doing."

A low and slippery voice answered from nowhere, echoing throughout the cavern. Sam, Max, and Steven jumped a little and looked around, searching for the source of the voice. Suddenly, a large slab rumbled and moved, opening up and revealing a secret room, small and concealed in shadow. A tiny silhouette was the only thing seen in the shadows; it stepped out of the opening and into the light. Steven's jaw dropped when he saw who the silhouette belonged to-

"Onion?! YOU'RE the evil guy who kidnapped everyone!?"

Sure enough, out of the shadows stood the small, creepy, onion-headed child, Onion. He didn't respond; he just stared back with those cold, creepy eyes that seemed to stare deep into Steven's very soul every time the two of them met. It was true that the little mime didn't always show the best behavior -stealing from the arcade and Steven's house for no reason and making Steven watch his birth video-but no one would ever expect Onion to resort to kidnapping.

"Not exactly," The voice spoke again... But it didn't come from Onion. "But I see you're familiar with my newest pawn, Crystal Gem."

Onion stepped aside, revealing a larger, more menacing looking silhouette hidden in the shadows. The silhouette advanced forward slowly and creepily towards the light. What emerged from the darkness made Steven's jaw drop: A seemingly human man in a suit sitting in a hovering chair. However, what was most surprising of all... The man had no head; instead there was a fishbowl with a menacing-looking fish swimming in it!

"We meet again, Freelance Police," The fish greeted, menacingly.

"Well what do you know?" Sam said in surprise. "If it isn't me and Max's slippery old friend and arch-nemesis, Mack Salmon!"

Steven couldn't believe his eyes. "Whoa! Mack Salmon in person! ...Wait, how exactly did he get that way, Sam?"

"Beats me," Sam shrugged. "Some sort of boating mishap."

Max -showing no respect for personal space- leaped onto Mack's bowl and stuck his finger in the water. "How often do you clean this water?"

"What's this fake body made of? Melmak?" Sam tapped onto Mack's fake body.

Steven hopped up onto Mack's fake lap. "Are you really talking, or is there someone back there who's a ventriloquist?"

"Your casual indifference and childish inquiries cannot save you this time!" An irritated Mack Salmon barked. "All three of you are my prisoners!

"At long last, Sam & Max, you will pay for your part in causing my... CONDITION!!" Mack spoke that last word with venom in his voice.

"Not that we have even the foggiest recollection of whatever it is you're talking about," Sam dismissed. "But would it make it all better if we said we're sorry?"