Help Me Find My Wings (Destiel)

Chapter 1

Dean woke up with a scream, sitting up and panting heavily. He trembled, unable to realize that he was, in fact, awake and his father wasn't anywhere near, so there wouldn't be anything to worry about. It just had been a nightmare.

A nightmare that had been coming for longer now. In the past few weeks he didn't dream of anything else any more and it scared him. It scared him because he even had the nightmares when Cas was with him and holding him, it scared him because he knew that his father's threat was true and that he would soon be taken away from his happiness. He knew that he wasn't safe anywhere any more and just that made him fear for his life.

Castiel, of course, noticed that, noticed Dean having nightmares again and getting worse all in all. But no matter what he did, no matter how much he tried to pull Dean back to reality, to help him and keep him safe from those nightly terrors, it only got worse. He often tried to stay awake longer than Dean, watching over him, keeping him safe but it was useless. Cas often fell asleep first and then woke up to Dean screaming or not being there any more.

It pained the black-haired to see his boyfriend so broken again, just like he had been when he first arrived. But back then, Castiel at least could help Dean somehow. Now Cas had to watch helplessly as Dean fell back into old habits, had to watch his boyfriend distancing himself further with each day. He had to watch Dean having nightmares and all he could do was wake him up and hold him until the shaking stopped, until Dean seemed to have fallen back asleep – which probably wasn't the case very often. In the morning he often woke up alone and then found Dean on the sofa, telling him that he didn't want to wake him up with his restlessness.

Again he was awoken by a scream and he quickly sat up, hugging Dean tightly, rubbing over his back. "It's okay, I'm here. Nobody will hurt you," he whispered gently and pressed a soft kiss to Dean's forehead, hoping to make it better even though he knew Dean was too far gone to calm down with a few simple words or kisses – it had to be more than that. Because Cas had no clue how to make it better again.

All he did wasn't working, often it ended with both of them being extremely exhausted. It was the same this time, Dean had passed out again and Cas was watching him with tired, concerned eyes. "Oh Dean, what are you doing to yourself again?" He whispered softly and ran his hand through Dean's hair, frowning a little bit.

"I wish I could help you but I feel so helpless.. What can I do to make you happy again, Dean? I'm scared I'll lose you again but this time for real and I really don't want to do that because you are my everything, Dean.. Without you I am nothing." Cas sighed softly and pressed a soft kiss to Dean's forehead before he closed his eyes, dozing off pretty quickly.

What he didn't know though was that Dean had woken up again after Cas had whispered his first words and heard everything. Dean couldn't help but feel guilty now, after all it had been him acting weirdly that made Castiel feel like that. It wasn't like Dean could help it, it was his instinct to distance himself when he wasn't feeling well. He had done that when he was young to protect Sam and himself from their dad because John Winchester hated it when his sons showed that they could still feel, that they could be pretty vulnerable.

"I'm sorry, Cas," he whispered and rested his head on Castiel's chest, trying to fall asleep again.

*~*

"Hey, Dean? Baby? Come on, wake up," Cas whined softly and gently shook Dean's shoulder, trying to wake him up. It had quite surprised him when he woke up that Dean was still lying next to him in the morning, especially after the attack of the night but he just accepted it. He had spent around half an hour to just watch Dean sleep, to see the peaceful features of his boyfriend.