Unicorns On Wheels [Petekey]

10. Thursday.

2016/02/11 Thursday

I'll go ahead and follow protocol: As of today I have 122 followers, which isn't all that surprising, the public always loves a good homosexual moment. And sometimes the people in the moment enjoy it, for example Frank and Gerard always do enjoy having a moment where they can be gay. But occasionally the people in the moment are terrified and awkward and now Pete won't text me because of what happened on Tuesday at 4 in the morning.

And it was stupid because we'd planned to spend this entire week together. Hanging out at the mall or at my house or somewhere else that was wheelchair friendly. Which, let me tell you, isn't a lot of places. It made me angry that I couldn't just go right over to his house and knock on his door and yell at him that hey, Pete, you're my best friend in the whole world just fucking hang out with me for once.

Because I couldn't drive. I'd never be able to drive and I couldn't run over to his house either. Because as far as Gerard's concerned there are only two types of people: 1. People who sympathize for people with Useless Logs of Fat™ instead of legs and 2. People who will take advantage of me by stabbing me and taking my stuff so I couldn't just wheel my way there.

It was stupid and I hated it and even though I missed Pete he was an idiot and I'd texted him a couple of times since Monday but he hadn't really replied. He'd read the message and then go on with his life like we weren't best friends anymore and like I hadn't announced to him that he was my best friend for life.

Because now that I was looking at it, it didn't seem like we were going to be best friends for life for very much longer. Because all I could see was how he was running away from me like I was that homophobic bitch of an ex-girlfriend. But I hadn't dumped him and I didn't want him to leave.

And all I could do was sit at home and feel like an asshole because I'd managed to scare him off by holding my breath and not kissing back and next time I see that son of a bitch, (Note to self) I'm going to kiss him. But the longer I think about it the more I realize that I won't be able to.

Because if I tried to kiss Pete I'd end up kissing his upper thigh and even if I tried to hug him, I'd end up hugging his knees and making him fall over. And while I was willing to kiss back I wasn't sure whether I'd be willing to make him fall for me.

I didn't know what to do if he wasn't answering my texts because how would I ever reach him? I didn't even have Ryan or Hayley's numbers and today I was going to have to go to Dr Nestor's office and not tell her about this because I wasn't sure whether I was allowed to.

Once, in second grade, a girl had asked me out and I'd said no. And when I told mum she said that I must have hurt her feelings and it's okay if I didn't like her but it wouldn't be okay if I made her feel bad about it. And I knew that telling everybody in class would count as making her feel bad about it.

And I could tell that Pete was feeling awkward and dejected and he just wanted to stay far away, far away from me. So I didn't want to hurt his feelings any further by making it out to be worse than it was by telling Gerard or Frank or Dr Nestor because, while I needed help, I didn't want to end up hurting him.

So, before Gerard came home, I texted him and told him that I wasn't feeling all that grand and I didn't know whether I'd be able to stop myself from killing Dr Nestor if I had to see her today. He texted me back faster than he usually did and texted me a quick what's wrong? Must I pick up meds on way home?

I texted back as soon as I got it. No. just emotionally not okay is all. Gerard didn't answer but a while later, Frank came by and told me that he was there to make me feel better in case I felt angry or sad and I could punch him if I wanted or I could cry or he could fetch me things to eat and I said it was okay. Because I knew that the only thing that could fix the way I felt would be if Pete came by and bent down so that I could kiss him.