Unicorns On Wheels [Petekey]

29. Tuesday

2016/04/22 Tuesday

I know that I don't usually post on Tuesdays because nothing interesting usually happens on Tuesdays. But I thought that today, a Tuesday, was the most interesting day I've ever had in my life. The day went along fine as usual: Mr Bowie gave me a lesson and right after I called Pete to hear about how his treatment was going.

In a shaky voice he told me that, while he still had a headache and it still hurt like a bitch, he was feeling better than he had yesterday. I didn't know what it meant to feel better than he did yesterday because I thought that the way he felt yesterday was the same as he felt today – in pain. I told him that I was happy he was feeling better and that I'd hope to see him later, depending on whether I could convince Frank to take me there.

I was feeling happier today than I had recently: I felt light and happy and it was easy to focus on my lesson and I think it might've been because Pete was feeling better and if Pete was feeling better, it meant that the entire world was a million times better than it had been when he was feeling worse. I felt at ease with my work – gliding through my calculus and chemistry the way I'd been able to do before Pete got diagnosed.

And while I wasn't the best at my history, I was doing a better job of remembering things than I had been in past month or so. It was a good day and, even if nothing of note would have happened, I was sure that I'd mark it in my diary as a day where I didn't want to kill myself or someone else. These days had been far and few between so I was glad for the one that I got.

The sky was a beautiful shade of blue and I usually stayed inside but today I decided to sit outside and read Slice of Cherry, in the sun and in between the budding greens of the garden. The fresh air felt great and so did the sun on my face, even if it felt slightly chilly outside. I liked it and I wondered why I didn't come out too often.

I got a Disney song stuck in my head, except that I couldn't remember any of the lyrics. Or the song's name. Or which movie it had been in. But I hummed it to myself as I read and finished up my chemistry homework in the sunshine outside. I felt good – I felt happy. And I even wondered whether I should call Pete again, call him and tell him how beautiful the day was.

Could he see how beautiful the day was from his hospital room? Would they let me take him out into the sun just so that he could enjoy the fresh air and sunlight as much as I did? It would be funny if they put him into a wheelchair and then make him wheel himself down with me. I think it would be strange for me, to see him in a wheelchair.

But he needed one – Pete had been getting weaker and weaker and more and more shaky than anyone might have thought he was. Even with hollowed cheeks and wide eyes, he was still as attractive as ever. The pink dye had started to fade and he'd complained to me about not being able to buy himself some more.

I mused wheeling into the hospital with a box of pink hair dye and having to help him dye his hair. But neither of us would be quite tall enough to stand over the sink and we'd probably end up doing it in the shower, so that we would both get covered in the stuff and also have our chairs and clothes soaked by the shower.

He'd probably still think it was a good idea and while I was enjoying the thought of it I knew that I wouldn't much like it if it actually happened. It still made me laugh and I wanted to text the idea to him but I didn't want him to get the wrong idea and think that I'd actually be willing to do it. Besides, he might be in treatment therapy and he would be for a long time.

He was usually being treated when I texted him and then he'd either forget to text me back when it was over or he'd text back hours later and I wouldn't respond to it. Communication was difficult but we had a set hour at 12 o'clock where he wasn't busy and neither was I, so that I could call him or visit him.