Unicorns On Wheels [Petekey]

22. Friday

2016/03/04 Friday

Previously, I had never really understood the true hatred people had for school. Even when I'd still gone to public school, I guess teachers were dicks and people simply got in the way but at the end, I still spent most of my day in the physics classroom talking about crazy and exciting things with crazy and exciting people whose names I could never really quite remember.

I like physics and I like chemistry and I like history. And that's why I took them, not because I had to: because I wanted to. I'd probably end up being a doctor or some shit: using a bullshit touching story about how inspiration doctors were when they were helping with my legs when they were actually dicks.

I'd never understood why people complained about homework or extra tasks because I'd always liked them for as long as I could remember. But now, that I had other things to think about (namely: Pete Wentz) nothing seemed as interesting as him at all.

Nothing seemed interesting enough to block out the memories of his too-slow eyes that turned to look at me slower than the rest of his head or his lips, which flicked upwards uncontrollably. Nothing could stop me from thinking about his donkey laugh or the way he sung I Can't Feel My Face to me that one day in the car.

I couldn't find anything important enough than the way he'd dropped me in the parking lot or how his hands shook when he brushed his thumb over my hand. His long dark eyelashes, and now platinum blonde hair that we'd bleached.

I liked Pete's voice and I liked his accent and I liked his face. I liked it better than I liked physics and better than I liked history and I liked most things more than I liked chemistry, if I was honest with myself. It was like Pete had suddenly replaced everything that I liked with his stupid face.

I thought about what Dr Stump had said. I knew that therapists weren't allowed to do that, they weren't allowed to tell you what to do. Dr Nestor was rude sometimes, okay, she was always rude. But I don't think that she'd ever told me what to do and what not to do and if she had: I clearly didn't care enough to do it.

I guess, I could've used that against him. Maybe I could find something wrong with every therapist I got so far, throw my toys every time I got one so that I wouldn't have to deal with them anymore. It had to come to an end eventually, right? They wouldn't keep trying.

The plan seemed perfect, really, because it meant that I could act out as much as I wanted to and it wouldn't have to deal with therapists. Which were both good things, on my front. But something about Dr Stump made me think that it wouldn't be a good idea. Maybe now was a good time to simply play with the cards that I'd been dealt.

I was glad when Pete swung around after lessons and reminded me that I'd sworn to dye his hair pink today. I still wasn't very happy about having it be bright pink and it wasn't exactly the best thing that we had to do it at my house. But we did it anyway.

It was gross and it smelt bad, just like it had yesterday, but Pete didn't seem to notice. Because, whereas we'd been avoiding the subject before, he now seemed keen to discuss the boundaries between Best Friends for Life. He didn't say that, no, he simply said what are we? And I stared at him for a long time, understanding the question but not knowing the answer.

I thought about what had happened yesterday with Dr Stump. I wanted to do it – I wanted to tell him how I felt. Today just really wasn't the day to do it. And I was slightly upset that Pete had brought it up before I was prepared. Because now I didn't know what to say or what my facial expression was going to look like, I tried my best to keep it neutral

Are we just friends? Or are we boyfriends, now, Mikeyway? I didn't know what to say, so I just stared at the sink that I was filling with water. I closed the tap and continued ignoring Pete, focusing on what it was that I wanted to say or do. I didn't want to say or do anything at, if I was perfectly honest with you. But now I'd learnt that these things don't just go away.