Unicorns On Wheels [Petekey]

Some more questions from a dating site.

1. What would you do to leave an impression on a person on your first date?

WEAR A DRESS MADE OF FIRE. Or, you know, be charming and funny.

2. What to you would the perfect life consist of?

I'd like to be madly and deeply in love with someone and I'd like them to be madly in love with me. And I'd like to live together with them in a small apartment with comfy furniture that we picked out together. I'd like to paint a wall in our tiny apartment and I'd like to go on drives to McDonald's at 2 AM. And sing Taylor Swift songs.

I'd like it if I could be a novelist or a YouTuber. If I could bake a cake and if I could have French toast for breakfast just because I feel like it.

3. Is there an age where being a virgin, you think, would be awkward?

Um. I... Not particularly. Wait. Yes. 30+

4. What's been your most intimate experience? What it emotional as well as physically intimate?

Emotionally? Uh. I've had fragile and weak moments, especially lately. There was this one time, where I had this full breakdown. I was sobbing and trying to keep myself quiet. And I, uh, I spoke to someone. It was stupid. But, uh, yeah.

5. Can you have emotional intimacy without physical intimacy?

Yes.

6. Do you still have feelings for an ex?

Nope. 

7. How long did your most intimate relationship last?

08 June 2016 – current.

8. Do you regret any of those intimate experiences with that person?

Uh. Sometimes. I've embarrassed myself a handful of times that way.

9. Have you ever had the feeling you were being watched, in general, not during, you know.

During my morning coffee? Sometimes, yeah. I could swear my neighbour gets off on it.

10. What was your most conflicted emotional moment?

*Select all*

11. Do you usually follow your heart or your head?

I generally just follow the yellow brick road.

12. What is your opinion about same gender relationships?

Absolutely,, horrifingly,, fucking,, disgustiNGly,, fABULOUS. You do you, honestly. Go for it.

13. Do you think the past matters in a relationship?

Yes. People are made of the past. If you don't consider the past, how can you love the person?

14. How would you react if I told I have had a relationship with a partner of the same gender?

Okay??? Cool?? I'm bisexual. So. Yay, pride.

15. Do you believe in any god or gods? Why? Are you spiritual?

I believe I exist and that's close enough. Whoops. I guess i have a warped believe in the universe. Like - there's a set of rules to follow, like, "don't step on the lines" and if you do, you'll be punished. The warped bit is some of us know the rules and some people don't. I have rules. Another weird part is that I never know what the punishment is. Once I threw away a razor and I knew it was wrong and then the power was out for 3 days. 

Sometimes I'm afraid that if I don't follow them someone will get hurt - like my brother. So I follow them as far as I can. (Do you have rules?)

16. Do you have any opinions about politics?

I wrote a haiku.

Donald Trump should eat a dick.
Clinton is a bitch.
American Politics.

17. Do you have any hobbies?

Writing, reading, vandalizing my desk, staring into space.

18. Have you ever experimented with legal/illegal drugs?

Nope. Pugs not drugs. Hugs not drugs.

19. What do you think is the key to good parenting?

Prepare yourself for everything. Prepare yourself for a gay kid, a trans kid, a straight kid, a cis kid. Prepare yourself for a cancer kid or a paraplegic kid. Prepare yourself for an atheist and a religious nut. Prepare yourself for a genius, prepare yourself for a moron.

Prepare yourself for whoever they are or they become or they want to be.

Also, always acknowledge their feelings as valid and real. 90% of the reason I'm bad with emotions is because I was never allowed to express them.

20. Do you like pets in the house? Do you like pets?

I do like pets in the house. I want a Great Dane puppy and I want to raise it to sleep in my bed and take it to training school. But I get along better with cats because they tend to follow me around. (I'm a literal pussy magnet)

21. What is the weirdest thing about you to most people?

I think I have a strange nonchalance about violence, murder and blood. In some cases I think they're funny and I use them in jokes. Not to mention, drugs being my fall back joke.

"Where are you going?"
"To buy some cocaine."

Today I was hanging out with a recovering codeine addict and my brother offered him some Coca Cola but he said "want some coke?" and I made eye contact with the addict and I couldn't hold in my laugh.