The life of a hunter (Dean Winchester love story )

Faith pt. 3

The next few chapters aren't gonna be the exact words used in the show. I don't have my Netflix right now and I kind of just want to write the story without worrying about being exactly correct. I will follow the story line kind of but just not exactly.
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"I got it." Dean grumbles and shoves off my hand as he pulls hinself out of the impala. We pulled up to a tent where crouds of injured people and their families flooded into the one way opening. Dean looks at it like a dirty diper.
"Man, you two are lying bastards. I thought you said we were going to a doctor."
"I believe we said a specialist." I say with
a smirk.
"Don't step foot in that tent. That man is a fraud!" A random guy yells handing me a flyer.
"Amen brother, keep spreading the good word!" Dean praises as I roll my eyes.
"Look Dean, your sick. This guy is said to heal the sick. We had to take a swing at it. We're not exactly swimming in options here." Sam says with raised eyebrows walking ahead of us.
"I know, but damn it a faith healer! Come on this is obviously a hustle." Dean wines as we walk up to the entrance.
"Yea, okay Maybe it is. Maybe you walk in that door and stumble out given nothing but a headache and a show. Or you could skip out singing 'I've seen the light.' That's what faith is, a chance. Maybe it's time you got a little." I say putting my hands in my pockets and walking into the tent.
"Faith or no faith, I ain't singing." Dean grumbles as we walk down the aisle.
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Dean tries to sit in the back row but I, ignoring his protests, grab his arm and force him closer to the front. He plops down next to me and glares. I smile in triumph at the fact that I am currently stronger than him. I listen intently as the blind preacher speaks about how God tells him who to heal by looking into the crowds hearts.
"....yea and right into their wallets." Dean mumbles to me.
"Shush!" I whisper.
"Is that so?" The preacher asks as the room goes silent.
Oh boy.
"Sorry." Dean says trying to ease the tension.
"That's quite alright. It's normal to be skeptical. Just be careful what you say around a man with really good ears." He says making the whole tent laugh. "What's your name son?"
"Dean." He says a bit reluctantly.
" Well Dean, why don't you come on up here." He says motioning for dean to come to the alter. The whole room cheers.
"No I'm good, that's alright." Dean says shaking his head.
What!
"You did come here to be healed didn't you?" The pastor states.
"Dean go!" I say shoving him.
"....well, yes but.." Dean is drowned out by the crowds cheers again.
I swear if he doesn't go up there I'll kill him myself.
"Go, what are you waiting for!" Sam yells with a smile on his face.
This is it.
This is going to work.
He slowly walks up to the alter as I hold my breath and try to appear confident in our success.
It's something I know about my boys. Everything we've went through in our lives keeps them from wishing for good things to happen to them. I'm
That's why I have to have enough hope for the three of us.
I watch as The preacher touches Deans face and he collapses to the ground.
"Dean!" Me and Sam yell in unison as we help him sit up.
I can't explain how happy I am knowing that he's going to be okay.
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"What's wrong?"
"It should've been her."
I walk into my motel room and I'm hit with a wave of sadness and shame. Dean sitting at the edge of my motel bed with a beer in his hands and tears in his eyes.
It turns out that the faith healer that healed Dean, was channeling magic from a talisman and controlling a reaper who was just giving the persons illness to someone else. We had to stop it before he could heal a really sweet, young, Christian girl with cancer. It broke my heart when I found out. Mostly because I knew how hard Dean would take it.
"Dean..."
"Don't say it Kate. Don't say I shouldn't feel bad because I didn't know. I do feel bad because now that girls gonna die for what!" He says, a bit drunkenly, standing up.
Not this again.
The self loathing.
"For you. So you could live." I say getting angry.
" Yea, exactly." He says putting his bottle on the counter. The air is tense and I know he isn't finished yet.
"I am 90% crap, Kate. No matter how hard I try. No matter what I do. I know that. You take that away there ain't much else. But that girl was worth saving. And I took her chance away. I will never be able to save enough people to make that right." He says dropping his eyes from me to the floor with a tear falling from one.
" No, Dean your not allowed to talk like that around me. Not Ever. It is not true. Nothing you can say will ever make me believe that. Hey look at me." I say throwing my room key on the table and walking over to him. I put my hands on his face and force his glossy eyes to meet mine. I try to focus my emotions and calm him down with my touch. It works instantly.
"You want to know something that scares me. I learned something about myself that I wish I could pretend doesn't exist." He just looks at me with focused eyes.
" That I would do anything to save the people I love. I would've let him choose to save you over anyone else over and over again. I'm ashamed but it's true and I'm not going to apologize for it."
"How could you say that. You know I'm damaged goods. I'm not worth it." He asks sounding so sincere.
So vulnerable in that moment.
Like the next things that come out of my mouth could either fix his world, or break him apart.
"You remember when we were 8 and we tried to climb the big tree at holland park ?" I say gently sitting us both on the bed.
"What?" He says with confusion.
"Think hard, John was away on a hunt, bobby was looking after us and Sam.. You almost fell to your death, so I ran under you to soften your landing? I broke my arm ."
"Okay, what does that have to do with anything?"
"I saved your life then, before you made whatever mistakes you think ruined you. I need you to know that no matter what you do,  no matter who tells you your nothing, no matter your mistakes, You are worth something to me. Your too important to lose." He looks at me with focused eyes I can't really explain. It's like he's just meeting me for the first time. His gaze is so intense I have to be the first to break away and look at my lap with a chuckle.
"Your not a bad person for loving people too much."  Dean says
"Yea, okay." I smile "and you're not a bad person period."
"Yea, okay." He says with the same look still in his eyes. I feel a weight lift slightly off his shoulders. The pain he always feels is still there, but I made it a little bit better.
That's all I can ask for.
I nervously take a shaky breath. He finally looks away and wipes his face quickly.
"We should get some shut eye. Knowing Sam, he already has tomorrow's hunt waiting in the wings." I say with a smile.
"Yea, your right." He says looking at the floor. He doesn't move an inch.
I take the hint.
"Hey, you know I haven't really been sleeping that well. I'm used to Bobby stumbling around in the next room. It's too quiet in here all alone. Do you think you could stay in here tonight, keep me company?" I say as he lets out a breathy laugh.
" I'm sure Sam could use some alone time." He says taking off his leather jacket.
"Yea, he'll love a night without your snoring." I say climbing under the covers. He lays above them and smiles.
" whatever." He whisper with a smirk and turns to face me.
I turn on my side to look into his eyes as he does the same and we talk about nothing and everything for the rest of the night.
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"I learned that I am a selfish and despicable human being."
" No your not.." Sam says to me
"Yes I am because I wouldn't change a thing."
"What?"
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"I know you guys  like to think that I'm this saint who only thinks about other people but I can't help how I feel. If I had to do it over, I'd pick you two. I'd want you to live even if it meant someone else not being saved. That scares the hell out of me Sam. You can try to convince me otherwise but no one else knows how I think. What goes on in my head. I just hope this doesn't bite me in the ass eventually."