Pieces Of Us - Until I Find You Again // Book Two

Chapter 1

If you were to ask me what happened, I wouldn't be able to answer.
I don't know.

We were insanely in love, parents to two endlessly entertaining children, engaged and on our way to a life most people only fantasized about. She was my dream. Everything I ever had the courage to dare pray for. She was where my calm was. My hopes for my future all wrapped into one of the most beautiful packages I'd ever seen.

And then it all just...crumbled.

They say that you should never get too comfortable in a situation and now that I think about it, maybe that's what happened. Maybe I became too complacent in our relationship. Maybe I stopped valuing her as the part of my life that mattered the most and instead took for granted that she'd always be there.

All I know was that when we crashed and burned, it was worse than any plane crash. Worse than anything I'd ever experienced in my short 24 years on this planet. It shook me to my core. Everything I thought I knew was proven wrong. Our implosion set me into a tailspin that I had yet to pull myself out of.
The only thing saving me from complete and total destruction was the existence of my children, Lucy and Noah. And they needed their parents. Despite Em and I being on opposite sides, we were united in one thing at least; the successful raising of what currently seemed to be the only good thing to come out of our relationship.

I didn't mean to destroy us. It certainly wasn't what I set out to do when I woke up that morning. Being on tour with the Boys again was an amazing feeling. I'd missed it. Going on stage every night, singing and enjoying myself was truly what I was born to do. But I wouldn't have gone if I'd have known. I'd have stayed at home, focusing on what was important rather than allowing myself to indulge.

Arguments between Em and I had been frequent back then. It seemed like she was annoyed with me more often than not. I couldn't say or do anything right. And the worst part about it was that I knew why that was. I knew deep down that she wasn't really angry with me, just our situation. I'd been home for almost a year. I'd been there through the slight touch of postpartum depression after Noah was born. I'd been there to help discipline Lucy, who seemed to be getting older at light speed right before our eyes. I'd held her through it. She'd held me through it. We were the team we always promised to each other we would be.

But when the call came to get back to it, I couldn't just walk away. I couldn't tell my bandmates, my friends, my fans...the world, that I wouldn't be returning. And more importantly, I didn't want to. Not back then anyway. Em and I were solid. She was planning a wedding, something I figured would keep her occupied along with the kids while I was gone.

How wrong I was.

None of those things was an acceptable substitution for my presence. Our children were our gifts, don't get me wrong. But when she needed to be comforted, enjoyed, supported...loved (in the only way I could love her), none of those things filled that void.

I felt the divide between us. I felt it as real as I felt my own heart beating in my chest. Our phone calls were short, filled with stilted conversation and obligatory questions about the kids.

So when she showed up on tour for our scheduled visit without Lucy and Noah, I should have known what was coming. I should have seen it. My only excuse for my blindness was that I had been lulled into a comfort that didn't afford me the ability to see what was happening.

When she handed me the ring, I felt a punch to my gut that sucked the air from my lungs. When she said she didn't think we should get married anymore, I felt my legs give out from under me. Looking back on it now, she was right. We had no business getting married when we were so far apart. Marriage would only exacerbate the glaring issues we had. But being that I'm a huge idiot, rather than convincing her to stay with me that weekend so we could fix it, I let the hurt take over.