Worlds Away {Ghoul! Suzuya Juuzou x female reader}

Dreams

I sat alone in the blood-coated, abandoned building for much too long that night. I waited for Satchiko and Yuki to come back. I wasn't sure if they would or not, but I had hope.

I was just about to give up hope when I heard a noise at the door. I lifted my head from where it rested on my knees and looked up.

But standing in front of me was not Satchiko, nor Yuki, but Y/N.

She was covered in blood from head to toe. I couldn't even tell what her injuries were. 

I reached out a hand to her. "Y/N...."

Before I could touch her, she crumpled, dissolving. There was nothing left of her. Nothing for me to hold.

I woke up, breath uneven. I had curled up in a ball underneath the window, one of the few areas clean from blood. I looked around me, but there was no one. My friends were gone. I was utterly alone.

Being alone hadn't bothered me in a while. I had tried my hardest to erase any sliver of humanity left in my body. I tried reverting back to how I used to be, when I was a scrapper. Back then, I killed because I was told to, and because I needed to make Mama proud. That was what I lived for. When I was an investigator, I lived to kill the ghouls that made the city filth. I did what I was told, more or less. And when I met her, I lived to protect her. For once in my life I wasn't doing what someone else wanted me to do, I was doing it solely for me. 

Now, I have nothing to live for. Sometimes, I don't even know why I'm still alive. I kill to try and make myself feel something, to bring back the rush it gave me when I was an investigator killing ghouls. But now...I am a ghoul. And killing humans doesn't give me a rush. If anything, each life I take for no reason, not even to sustain my own, makes me feel emptier. There's a hole inside of me, and it opens up more each day. One day, it will consume me. But until then, I kill. I kill and I kill, searching for some sort of meaning, something to break the never-ending cycle of numbness. I used to be fine with not feeling anything...but she changed something inside of me, and now, this lack of feeling, it's agonizing.

"Juuzou?" A female voice whispered. I looked towards the door and saw a lavender head peeking in. 

"Yuki! Is Satchiko with you too?" At my question, the raven haired ghoul popped up behind Yuki.

"You guys are okay."

"More or less. Too bad we can't say the same for Hira."

I fought the urge to roll my eyes. I don't understand why they're so upset. Hira is gone now, but he's set free from the agony of the live we're living.

"We're not staying here Juuzou. We're finding a new place to stay. We came back to see if you'd come with us."

I shook my head slowly. I can't leave...what if she comes back for me...

"I don't know if I can do that."

The girls stepped into the building. "She's not coming back for you Juuzou," Satchiko said flatly.

My eyes went wide. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"That investigator. We saw the whole thing between you two. She's not going to come back for you. Humans and ghouls can't be together."

"She's not a human!" I burst out, balling my hands into fists. Yuki and Satchiko were just as shocked at my outburst as I was. 

"Sure, she has kagune. But she's not a ghoul. And she works for the CCG. She doesn't want you. Come with us."

I shook my head quickly. "No. No, I'm not leaving here."

Yuki looked down. I think I saw a tear fall from her eye. But Satchiko just shrugged. "Fine. Maybe you'll find us someday if you're ready. But we won't be easy to find." She took Yuki's hand and they left, leaving the door wide open, letting in a cold breeze.

I shivered. 

**

"Please, I have a family. Please, let me go," the man lying on the ground under my foot whimpered. Another off-duty policeman.

"You think I care?" I sneered. But even as I said those words, my own body betrayed me. My kagune faded out, and I was left staring down at the man, unable to hurt him any further. I took my foot off his chest and he got up clumsily. He tried to walk away but I grabbed him by the front of his shirt, standing on my tip-toes to do so.

"If you tell anyone about this, Mr. Policeman, I will kill you." I pushed him away from me and he stumbled before running away.

**

"Saiko. You're right." This was the first thing I said when I woke up in the morning by Saiko's small hand shaking my shoulder.

"W-what?"

"You're right. I can't give up. The man I loved still has to be in there somewhere, right? I'm going to go find him."

Saiko's eyes were wide. "Uh...is that the best idea?"

"You're the one who told me to do it!"

"Well, that wasn't exactly what I meant, but okay..."

**

I stood outside the building, staring up at it. An unfamiliar feeling began to creep into the corners of my mind, causing my breathing to speed up and my hands to shake. Is this fear I'm feeling...

I hadn't brought my knives with me. I figured if there was any trouble I'd just use my kagune. That's what they're for right...

I pulled at the hem of my shirt nervously.

I stepped up to the building and pushed open the door. It emitted a long creak. If anyone was in there, they were definitely aware of my presence now.

The front room was empty, still blood spattered from yesterdays battle. I walked carefully into the next room, my body on edge, ready to bring out my kagune at the first sign of danger.

There, in the farthest corner of the room, was Juuzou, curled up into a tiny ball hugging his knees to his chest.

I had the chance to look at him- really look at him.

His black hair was longer than I remember it, but not by much. It felt softly to his shoulders, uneven and mildly tangled. I could see white roots peeking out.

He seemed even smaller than before, especially folded in on himself like he was now.

"Juuzou," I said quietly.

He lifted his head and I was surprised to see he was crying. From the look of his face, he'd been crying for a while. His pale skin was tear-streaked and his eyes were glassy.

Seeing him like this, I was no longer afraid. I sat down in front of him, leaving about two feet of space between us.

I was rendered speechless. It seemed he was too. He wiped the tears from his face and stared at me. I knew I had to try and explain myself while he was listening.

"Juuzou, I didn't leave you to go to the CCG. I would never have done that. I... I was kidnapped by...I don't know how much you remember...I was kidnapped by Ikeda Kunio. He kept in a city very far away so no one would be able to find me. He tortured me everyday...he raped me...he broke me. When I broke free I came back to Tokyo. I didn't have a job, I needed money. And I wanted to get revenge on ghouls like Ikeda. The CCG was offering a pretty large cash settlement for those who participated in the Quinx program. It seemed perfect. I'd have a job, and I'd be strong enough to kill ghouls. I was a little late to the party...they already had a squad of four. But because I tested so well, they accepted me. I'm not a ghoul, but I'm not human anymore either."