Worlds Away {Ghoul! Suzuya Juuzou x female reader}

This is not a Fairy Tale

Why did I do that? How could I be so stupid? Did I just lose control of my mouth for a second there? Now I've scared him away. We were making progress...

I slammed the palm of my hand against the arm of the couch, cursing my stupidity. I know it's far-fetched to think that Juuzou and I could work things out, could be together again. This isn't a fairy tale. But I still hope for it each and every day, and almost every night I dream of how things could've been if our lives hadn't taken such a drastic turn.

With as much as both of us have been through, things needed to be taken slow if we had any chance of rebuilding what we once had. I don't even know whether or not my feelings are one-sided. 

For all I know, he's fallen out of love with me already. I'm nothing special, why would he think about me over the three years we were separated?

No, I can't think that. I can't take that pain.

I stared at my silent cellphone, wishing I had his number, wishing I could call him and ask him to come back, to be the one running after him.

This is stupid. I can't afford to be in love with a ghoul, and a dangerous one at that. I'll lose my job if anyone finds out...but I swore to protect him...he's worth losing my job for.

God, what is wrong with me.

I need some air.

I slipped on my shoes and pulled on a thin jacket and let myself out of the apartment, locking the door behind me.

I rounded the corner, staring at the ground as I walked, hands shoved into my pockets. Suddenly I felt my foot catch on something, and I started to fall forward, sticking my arms out in front of me, preparing to break my fall.

But I didn't fall.

Someone grabbed my arm and stopped me from hitting the ground. I was instantly ready to become to defensive when the hand didn't leave my arm after I had regained my balance.

"Sorry Y/N-chan, I didn't mean to trip you. I wasn't paying attention to where my feet were."

I looked up into the eyes of the person who'd caught me, the red irises so familiar that for a second I felt right at home.

"J-Juuzou? What are you doing here?"

He looked down, letting my arm out of his grip. "You told me to go. I didn't really want to leave so I waited over here in hopes that you'd come out and I could have another chance to talk to you."

My breath caught in my throat. "W-what did you want to talk to me about?" My palms were sweating. 

What if he tells me he doesn't ever want to see me again?

"About what you said right before you told me to leave. You said..you said you still love me? How can you...still love me?" He seemed to be having trouble getting these words out, his brow was furrowed in concentration.

My heart was pounding. How am I supposed to answer that?

"You know what I am. You know the sorts of things that I've done in the past three years. How can you have that knowledge...and still love me?" His voice was nearly a whisper now.

"Juuzou, I love you for who you are. Who you really are. The things you've done, they're just white noise. I know the real you. I had the honor of getting to know you, of seeing what was under that protective exterior. Three years have passed and we're both different now. I want to know the person you are now. No matter what happens. But I realize that it's possible that you might not feel the same way about me anymore. And if you don't, that's okay. I'll know you as a friend. As long as I can know you, as long as you're in my life-"

I stopped talking abruptly when his arms slowly wound themselves around me, his hands pressing gently against my back.

My breathing was shallow as I put my arms around his waist, stepping into the unsure hug. It was all at once as if we had never been this close before, and also like coming home after a long trip, and reacquainting myself with the place I knew the best.

Time seemed irrelevant. We stayed there for minutes, just embracing each other, reminding ourselves of the days when we hugged each other goodbye and hello as a part of our day, long after physical contact had ceased to make our hearts race.

"You are the first person I loved in a way that wasn't familial, and even that kind of love was few and far between for me, and I didn't know what it meant, I didn't understand, not until it was too late. You think I could just.. stop loving the person who unknowingly broke down my walls? You didn't even try to. They just came crumbling down in your presence because I needed to be around you."

I felt tears gathering in my eyes at his unabashed honesty, so like the Juuzou I had known so well.

 His voice was lower now. "If it wasn't for you and Shinohara-san, I don't think I would be capable of love, because before, the only kind of love I knew, was associated with pain. The two of you showed me that that's not  the case, that yes, love is painful at times, but when the pain is intentional, that's not love. I've spent these three years hoping that I'd find you again, I thought about it everyday, even when I thought I was no longer worthy of love, I still hoped we'd meet again. And we did, against all odds. So that has to mean something right?"

He spoke these words right against my ear, sending chills down my spine.

I nodded my head. "Yes, it has to mean something. We were meant to find each other again, though things won't be easy. Things have never been easy for us, have they?"

He held me at arms length now, shaking his head. "No, they haven't, but it's okay. That just means we have to fight. I think you're worth the fight~"

I smiled, aware that I was blushing. I hugged him again. I know this relationship is going to take a lot of patience and work, we both have our own struggles. Just like we did years ago. And just like we did years ago, we can help each other. I will do everything in my power to protect him.

**Juuzou's point of view**

I breathed in the scent of her hair as my chin rested on the top of her head. It still smelled like green apple, even after all this time. The scent no longer reminded me of my favorite candy, it solely reminded me of her. Like the scent didn't exist outside of this moment.

Things are going to be hard. I'm a ghoul. She's with the CCG. Everything has changed. But at the same time, in this moment, nothing has changed. Just like I did when our love was new, I still vow to protect her. I will keep her safe, no matter what.