Falling Daisies

Chapter 9

BEN

I walked down the all too familiar corridors and wondered, how had it all got so out of hand... Her face had looked so hurt tonight when I told her, I hated myself for it, every part of me had wanted to stay and make sure she was ok but there had been a fire in her eyes that had scared me. Walking away from her was one of the hardest decisions I'd had to make. I'd only known her for a short time but there was something between us that had made it feel like a lifetime. I had never wanted to do that to her, to watch her face fall like that, but what choice did I have?  

I had commitments, promises to keep and what kind of person would it have made me, whatever my feelings, if I'd of chosen her over...

"Daisy Peterson?"

"Ahh hello, Ben! Yes, go on though!"

I smiled at the plump receptionist and followed her motioning hand to the direction for the children's ward and began to walk, my steps slow and heavy.

As I moved, the dull white wash walls with the mint green boarders and stiff framed tapestry were slowly replaced with an abundance of playful colour and light. Teddy bears, fluffy clouds and fairies, Disney characters and smiling sunshines were all hand painted onto the walls, alongside the childlike masterpieces drawn and signed by its inpatients. Mainly they were pictures of their families or bright flowers but it was really just anything that made them happy because they were happy, they didn't really know what was happening, they couldn't. They were too young to really understand.

There was one picture that always caught my eye, it was by a boy called Joshua, aged seven and he had written:

"When I grow up I'm going to become an astronaut"

Neatly scribbled under an explosion of pastel colours that resembled a white blob floating through the solar system and I felt a lump in my throat whenever I passed by this one in particular, knowing that one day a parent was going to take home that picture, without its painter.

I carried on and came to where the private rooms were, remembering how annoyed Daisy had gotten when they had put her down here, but there were no other beds in the main wing. Sure enough though, as was to be expected, as soon as she had gotten here she had loved it, she preferred it down here in fact. She'd mumbled something about kinder nurses but I knew what it really meant to her. It meant she got to play with and look after the younger ones when she wasn't too tired. She was amazing with kids, she'd make a great mum...

I caught a glance at my reflection in a window and even the blurry image staring back couldn't hide the fact my face was puffy and blotchy from crying. I'd been a wreck all the way down to the hospital, barely focusing on the roads and had nearly crashed a fair few times, horns honking me left, right and centre and I swear I had run a red light.

I took a moment now to myself, sitting on one of the waiting chairs, head in hands and took a couple of deep breaths. I could do this.  

I'd been lying to her the past month and Lucy had made it pretty clear she didn't want anything to do with me so what was the point in stirring stuff up now? I could pretend nothing had ever happened...

But it had. God it had and it had been so good. I needed to make Lucy see... I wanted us to be friends at least... I know it would take a bit to, well, adjust but it could work... I knew we couldn't be more, but that pain behind her eyes... I needed to keep her safe... Get a grip of yourself Ben, you made your choice.  

And I had and this was the best choice, the right choice.

I composed myself and walked to the door of one of the private suites, resting my head for a moment on its cool plastic, soaking up its stability. I could do this. I pushed it open and there she was, fast asleep.