Falling Daisies

Chapter 31

The rain lashed down on my bedroom window as the rumble of thunder echoed through the sky and an illuminating light filled the darkened spaces of my room. Summer was officially over. 

I was leaving in two days. In two days I would be saying goodbye to my life for a whole year and to say I was freaking out would be an understatement.

The University had been really understanding about the whole situation and had kindly agreed to hold my place for a year as long as I had promised to take in the art culture whilst I was away. It just didn’t seem real somehow... It was like the past three weeks since I’d gotten my results had hurtled by in a hazy blur and now it was finally happening.

I would start by flying over to Paris (much to Hazel’s chagrin that I would get to see it before her) and then head out to Barcelona before making my way across Europe, visiting Greece - of course - once again for the wedding. I would be then ending in Italy, where I would fly over to Africa before returning home. Near enough everyone thought I was crazy going it alone, with no other real desire but to backpack across different lands seeing things I had never dreamed, but there was only one other person I would have taken along and I could hardly do that unless I planned on gagging him and forcing him to come with me.

My large rucksack lay open on the bed and I was piling various items inside. I was keeping it simple and only packing the necessities but it was proving harder than expected to whittle it down to what was a necessity.  I smiled nevertheless as I noted how little black was making up my capsule wardrobe and I was happy I could put the past behind me and introduce colour into my life.

I riffled through draws throwing in things I thought might come in useful and some sentimental belongings, like the letter Hazel had given me the day before when we had said our goodbyes and a few photos of my family or times that made me happy. It was on doing this, that I hovered over the photo of Ben and I, which was still facing downwards on the table. I picked it up and looked at it.

It was taken on the beach at Brighton, when Maggie had bought a disposable camera and harassed us all day to stand in different silly positions whilst she clicked away. It was a little blurry from camera shake and the quality wasn’t brilliant but it was a picture of Ben about to throw me into the water. His hands were around my waist and I was raised in the air. Our faces were a jumble of fear, excitement and laughter and I had asked Maggie if I could keep it as soon as I had seen it. Without giving myself time to reconsider, I collected the photo along with the others and shoved them into the side compartment of my rucksack.

He may no longer be in it, but it doesn’t mean he never was part of my life.

I was just getting to the shoes when I heard a knock downstairs. It was late and I knew everyone else was probably asleep and so I went downstairs to see who it was, wondering who could be calling at this time of night. 

Ben stood in front of me like a drowned rat. His clothes were plastered to his body and his face was streaked with raindrops, yet his eyes suggested it could be something more. He just stared at me, his mouth slightly ajar like words had left him and I wrapped my dressing gown tighter around my body self-consciously.

“Lucy...I...”

“Come in.” I replied coldly.