Falling Daisies

Chapter 11

"Oh great! This is all I need. What are you doing now? - Stalking me?" I stood hurriedly to my feet and brushed my hands over my hair where I could feel my topknot beginning to loosen. I crossed my arms tightly across my chest, suddenly self conscious of the fact I was wearing nothing under my jacket and shot him an angry look of contempt.

"What? What are you on about? Lucy... Why are you even here?" Ben grabbed my elbow and roughly pulled me further down the corridor against my protestations, "and why are you in the children's ward...?" He whispered this part, even though there was no one around to hear.

"I could ask you the same question!" I hissed back, wriggling out of his grasp then standing defiantly, tapping my foot, whilst I waited for an answer. I was tired and angry and even the perfectly chiselled features of Ben could not waver me this morning. I had had enough. "Why don't you just get back to your pathetic, little girlfriend who can't even see that her lying, cheat of a boyfriend is fucking someone else behind her back. She has my sympathy and pity that's for sure."

Ben's nostrils flared at this. He took a long intake of breath and ran his fingers though his messy hair in aggravation. It looked like he had just woken up and taking in his appearance, I noticed he was wearing the same clothes as the night before. Had he stayed here last night?  

He then shook his head in resignation at whatever he was about to say and a sullen expression crossed his face which resembled that of someone who had just given up.

"What's the point, Luce? You're not going to listen or care anyway. You know something... You shut everyone out. You make it impossible for people to open up to you because they're afraid and the moment someone does try, you put your own defences up because you're scared. Hurt everyone else before they hurt you, right? Great mentality to have. Congratulations."

With that he brushed past my shoulder and headed towards the exit sign. I felt an immediate pang in my chest, that feeling I got when someone left me. My dad, Jason, Scott, Grams... I had had this feeling with them too. But I loved them. I hated him. I did hate him, but that sensation seemed to overshadow all other thoughts, I couldn't just let him walk away...

"NO! WAIT!"

The strangled sound seemed to break free all on its own accord from my lips and as soon as I said it, I grasped my hands over my mouth in alarm. Ben slowly turned, his face sombre but there was a bit of that familiar spark returning into his eyes.

"I... I...." I began but I didn't know what to say. Sorry? But why did I have to apologise? I wasn't the one with the girlfriend! But sorry for not hearing him out? He did say he had a reason... I opened my mouth again but Ben interrupted me.

"I was going to go and grab breakfast. It's not great in here but I'm starving and it's better than nothing, I guess." he remained motionless, just his eyes seemed to plea with me to follow him. I didn't say anything, just walked slowly towards him, until we were shoulder to shoulder.

We turned then and looked at each other, our bodies were so close, all he'd have to do was tilt his head down slightly and our lips would be touching. I could hear his heartbeat now, or was it my own, mile a minute. The thumping was getting louder as my desires got stronger. I couldn't be thinking of kissing this guy again. Not now, not ever.

I broke the intense eye contact and with a curt nod of my head we began to walk down the corridors in absolute silence. The tension could be cut with a knife and my thoughts were swimming around my head, making me dizzy with the confusion.

I wondered what was going around in Ben's own head, was it as messed up as mine?

The dizzy sensation was starting to consume me now and I could feel myself beginning to black out, my vision slipping in and out of clarity.