Falling Daisies

Chapter 29

“What’s wrong? Are you not hungry?” Claire questioned as I poked at the sandwich in front of me, whilst we sat, just the two of us, outside my favourite little cafe on the harbour.

“I’m just thinking...”

It was the day before I was due to return home. A whole month had seemed like an age, yet now it didn’t seem long enough. It was by this point mid-August and the place had become crowded with tourists but I didn’t mind them so much. The day after my home coming, I was to go and collect my exam results and then I had some big choices to make. I didn’t want to leave here. I didn’t want to leave this place, with its serenity and culture, that I was unaware existed outside the realms of storybooks and geography textbooks. But I had to go back and face the music.

I’d come to terms with Daisy’s death yet I knew a part of that was because I was keeping her alive through Claire. Each day she would do something else that would remind me that little bit more of her until I was unsure whether I was making up fake traits and characteristics for Daisy just so I could find more similarities.

I hadn’t come to terms with the situation with Ben though. I didn’t know how he’d be. The uncertainty of whether he had gone further into himself or made it through was a question I had lived with day after day. Here I could pretend that everything was fine, that I was just away for a while and that I’d go back and everything would be fine. Yet having to go back and face whatever the reality was, was something I didn’t know if I was prepared to do.

I was having major reconsiderations too of... Everything.

“Thinking about what?”

“Whether I want to go to University...” I cringed as Claire pursed her lips and folded her hands attentively.

It had been just last night at dinner that my dad had been telling me how proud he was I was going and that Claire had been telling me what a wonderful experience I would have.

“What makes you say that?” she questioned, not in a judgemental way, just curiously.

“I just don’t know what I want anymore. Being here has opened my eyes up to this whole other world I didn’t know existed and I feel like I’ve been living in this ignorance for so long and... I don’t know, you probably think I’m crazy, right?”

Claire laughed, “No, actually I was in exactly the same situation as you. I had an offer from Oxford to go and study Biomedicine and I was all for it until I got my grades and decided I wanted to throw it all in to become a chef.”

I widened my eyes as I imagined Claire studying that and couldn’t hide my confusion why she turned down such a prestigious university. She smiled at my expression.

“Lucy, we want what we want. Yes, at the time everyone thought I was crazy but I just wasn’t ready. I took a gap year and went travelling. I picked up all this knowledge on traditional foods from around the globe and when I came back to England I applied for a position in the kitchens of a London restaurant. The pay was dire but I was around what I loved. One of the senior staff noticed me trying some things out one day and gave me a shot at preparing some starters... It just grew from there I guess. I have never regretted my decision...”

“Taking a year out sounds like a good idea but I can’t say I have the money to just drop everything to go travelling... Thanks anyway though...” I smiled and she smiled back but I could read the sadness on her face, she wanted to do more for me.

“Well you know you can come out here anytime!”

I squeezed her hand tightly, “I know.”

***