Falling Daisies

Chapter 23

“Eugh! I can’t do it! I’m going to fail!” I fell backward on the bed and some discarded papers floated gracefully to the floor.

I’d been trying for well over two hours to ingrain everything I had ever learnt about English Literature into my mind, but it was proving a fruitless task as every time I took away the book or my scrawled class notes, that I had barely bothered to keep in any form of systematic order, my mind suddenly went blank and I knew I was destined for failure. It didn’t help that the world’s biggest visual distraction was in my bed at this moment...

“Yes you can,” Ben said pulling me to sit up and resting me in the crook of his arm that I moulded into perfectly, “and even if you are the biggest failure there is - then guess what?”

“What?” I questioned through a teasing smile, because I knew what he was going to say.

“I will still love you.”

God I still couldn’t get used to those words. How did three words have the power to cripple you yet make you feel like you could fly or run a marathon all in one breath? They still also sounded as magical as when he’d first said them and the pleasure they brought didn’t show any signs of stopping soon. He loved me.

“Say it again...” I whispered, pressing my forehead to his own.

He flipped me effortlessly onto my back and hovered over me, his bare chest impressive in the evening shadows.

“I” he kissed my cheek; “Love” he kissed my neck; “You!” he kissed my lips and I pulled him close whilst a moan escaped my lips and the remainder of my last minute study books collided to the floor as we were suddenly a tangle of limbs and lips. He was kissing all of me and it felt so nice.

We’d been like this for just over a month now. We’d not labelled what it was, because it seemed inappropriate to start calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend, even though that was so clearly what we were. We would have to discuss it soon though and we both knew it. With our lives set to change so imminently, with me in London and him working out what the next step was to get back into his music, it felt like it was important to form something more concrete together. Nevertheless, the conversation was one we had both been avoiding, as we were apprehensive because it meant us having to bring up... Daisy.

Neither of us spoke about her. Even her name was taboo, which seemed unfair and ridiculous to just go about like she never existed, when to the both of us she had played such an integral part of our lives. I still thought about her and I knew therefore, there was no doubt that he was also still harbouring unresolved conflicts within himself to clear everything up. I had tried once to get in touch. I had rung her mobile yet it had gone straight to voicemail and the coward inside of me took that as red and I never tried again out of shame, guilt and fear. I wondered if Ben had tried to make contact.

Right now in the moment though, everything in reality was far from our minds and we were just concentrating on living in the present.

And wow what a present.

Every kiss Ben gave me set off a fire wherever his lips touched. The way our bodies fit together was like electricity. He ignited parts of me that I didn’t even know existed and the way he responded to my touch showed our chemistry was entirely mutual. Every action made me crave for more.

You’d think I’d be sick off it but wanting Ben was a need. I felt so empty without him, but with him was like this fullness that went as soon as he did.

Was this what love was? To need someone so much you felt lost without them?

He consumed me and I did him and I didn’t want to imagine a day when it might not be like that. We fuelled off lust but the deep love running through, intensified our desire, to the point I thought I would burst.