//ALONE AND UNKNOWN-CHAPTER 3//

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by -hermy

by -hermy

Urban Dictionary

Asexual

Someone who doesn't experience sexual attraction.

Asexuality is not a choice, and you cannot decide to become one, they are just born that way.

"Hey honey, what're you doing there on your phone?" my mom asks, peering over my shoulder.

I was sitting on the couch, looking at an Urban Dictionary definition of asexual.

I shut off my phone quickly, not wanting her to see what I see what I was doing on my phone.

"J-just texting someone." I say with a bit of a stutter.

"Oh ok," she replied with a smile.

I breath a sigh of relief as she walks away and I start thinking.

When Toby mentioned asexual at the lunch table today, I didn't think much of it.

There were lots of 'what's that''s and 'what the hell's''. No one knew what he was talking about, and no one had it much thought after he brushed it off, especially not me.

But know that I've actually looked it up, I've been wondering.

I mean, I know about gay and lesbian and LGBT+, but I didn't think asexual was a very known part of that.

When people think of LGBT, they think of gay people, lesbian people, bisexual people.

Not asexual people.

Maybe I'd feel more comfortable with the idea of being asexual if it was more well known, and if I were to tell it to someone, then I wouldn't have to explain it, they would just know.

And the thing that scares me even more is, I don't know how they would react.

After my mom left me alone, I kept thinking for almost another hour. So many thoughts have been going through my head, but one sticks out to me in particular.

What if I've tried so hard to ignore the fact that I am asexual, I've been playing with boys because of it?

And why is it so hard to admit?