Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
naomi whitman | the sister about idiotic decisions | 01
Dear Axel,
Hi.
I miss you.
And you're not here to greet me back or tell me that you miss me, too. You're not here to pretend to be a tough guy, you're not here to make jokes and laugh with me, you're not here to celebrate my birthdays or graduations or marriage. You're not here to scare away any of my future boyfriends. You're not here to tuck me into bed, even though you haven't done it for several years now.
You're not here, and I just really, really miss you.
It's only been a year, and the wound is still fresh and throbbing with pain.
I'm doing everything I can to keep everyone and myself from falling apart. Sometimes, it gets a little too hard, but most of the time, you're a good memory and not some tragic story. We're coping in different ways -- Dad tries to cover his emotions (Right? The old man actually has other feelings) with humor, Mom bursts out crying once or twice in the span of a few weeks, and I'm throwing myself into school. Again, we've had our fair share of good days and bad days.
Now, here comes the main part of this letter. Reagan thought it would be a good idea to remember something good or embarrassing or bad or sweet about you, and just write it down, you know? She's the kind of person who would come up with an idea like this.
Anyway, Axel, my brother, you were and you still are an idiot.
I say this with the greatest sisterly love and affection, but oh my god, you're such an idiot (dramatically flails arms around to get the point across). You would pretend that you're some macho-tough guy who didn't do emotions and feelings and the whole deal. You would make stupid decisions and hang out with the wrong people and get yourself into dangerous situations.
I know I'm telling you what you already know, what everyone else already knows, but it feels really good to finally say it (well, write it down, in my case).
Because even if you knew it, you would always deny it. So, I'm just telling you right now that it was your idiotic decisions that put you six feet under and--
Fuck.
Sorry, I just--
Axel, you're an idiot for doing this to us. You're an idiot for loving so young, you're an idiot for being such a great person, you're an idiot for dying.
I told myself that I wouldn't cry while writing this, but I'm an idiot for thinking I could do just that.
I think I'm going to stop right now.
I love you, and I miss you, Axel.
It's impossible to forget someone like you, anyway.
Love, Naomi
______________________________
Lol, it's nothing like the other versions I had, yeah?
