About Axel | ✓

about having his back | 02

daniel farrow | the best friend
about having his back | 02

Axel,

We always have each others' backs, yeah? You're always there for me, and I'm always there for you. In fact, that's how we pretty much became friends. We were in seventh grade, and I was in trouble with the principal for pulling a prank. He was yelling at me, and you, a complete stranger at the time, swooped in and took some of the fall for me. I still don't know why you did it, Ax, but I couldn't be more grateful. I would've been suspended in the last week of school -- during finals.

I remember it clear as day. You've always been there for me since day one, and I'm sorry that I can't say the same. The day you died, I wasn't there for you. I wasn't there to stop you from making a decision that you'd regret. And now, here I am, regretting every second of it.

And you know I'm not the most sentimental person when it comes to a lot of fucking things. Like if you fell and scraped your knee, I'd laugh, or when I'm personally hurt by someone I know, I shrug it off with my shitty humor and wry smiles. You've always known that, but damnit, Axel, you somehow had me crying the minute I heard about your death and the days following. I could've been there to prevent it, I could've been there to have your back.

Now, there's this negative space in my life, dude, and I still don't know how to fill it up. Nothing can bring my best friend back.

     However, I'm proud to say that I started to patch myself up as the days turned into weeks and then to months and now nearly a full year. My state of mind is more free, I guess. I can talk about you without staring off into the distance and drowning in my own guilt, I can tell people how you died, I can slowly come to terms with your death. Of course, there are times where my emotional wall weakens, but for the most part, I feel... lighter.

     I mean, writing this letter is not all too fun for me at the moment.

     There's just too much to say and not enough paper to write it all down.

     But I'll repeat what we already know, what I already mentioned. I'll say it a hundred times, a thousand times, a million times, an infinite amount. You are my brother, Axel, you're my best friend. You were, are, and will always be my brother and best friend.

     You still have my back, even after your death. You're always gonna protect me, and I'll do the same. You're always gonna defend me, and I'll do the same.

      That's one of the most unforgettable aspects about you.

Your best friend and brother,
Daniel Farrow

______________________________

feels, yeah? *sigh* this is a hard book to write.

love you guys so much!

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