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reagan farrow | the girlfriend about everything | 19
Axel Whitman,
My first best friend, my first partner-in-crime, my first kiss, my first date, my first love, my first... everything. Goddamnit, Axel.
I can't even begin to describe you as a person. You're just... this feeling of euphoria, a natural high in human form, everything a person could want in the best way possible. When you smile, it's a goddamn experience. When you laugh, it's an adventure. You're the planets aligning — a rare and spectacular sight. There's even the factors that a lot of people won't ever think applied to you: your love for filmmaking, your affection for family and friends, your emotional breakdowns, your anger, your moments of happiness. And it's too bad the rest of the world doesn't get to see any of it like I do.
To a lot of outsiders, you're some crazy, reckless teenager who can't sit still for a single second, itching to do something at all times. You'd be the one to hang out with the wrong crowd, get into loads of fights, and could possibly care less about the authority. Trouble follows you everywhere, but somehow, it's all for a reason. Like remember when my brother was being an idiot and pulled a prank in the last week of school? He would've been suspended during finals, but you swooped in and pretended you were an accomplice to his scheme the whole entire time. Even when we were kids, you'd always be the one to take the blame, even if you didn't do it.
That's something nobody seems to understand. Impressions aren't everything, you know?
But forget what anyone else has to say. To me, in simple words, you're my everything.
Axel, you're the reason I smile and cry and feel the whole spectrum of emotions. I always look forward to seeing you and spending time with your family. I love when you tease me for saying something dumb, even if I act indifferently about it. I appreciate when you take me out on dates and go stargazing with me and then fall asleep by my side. You've always been in every aspect of my life, and I can't deny how grateful I am for those periods of time. I get to see you in a positive light because I know you.
And it's not only me, Axel. You're the everything to the people closest to you, in actuality. There isn't a time where nobody thinks about you. There's this mark, a change, a new outlook, a different story in so many people because of you. Your kindness and your humor and your wanderlust and your passions and your dreams are just so aspiring, and I don't understand how anyone can think otherwise. The good in you cancels out the bad anyone else ever saw.
Axel, it's not your fault. It was never your fault.
And... and I promised myself that I wouldn't cry while writing this, but now that I'm sitting here with my pen and paper, it's suddenly the hardest thing I could ever do. Why did you have to leave, Axel? I miss you everyday, and the idea of never talking to you again or hearing the sound of your voice is unimaginable. But it's true.
You're gone, and you're never coming back.
Writing in past tense just feels wrong, you know? You'll always be alive in my heart and mind, and one day, I'll see you again.
Your soulmate, Reagan Farrow
p.s. I love you, and I miss you so much. I'm still healing, and so is everyone else. But I'm getting there; we all are.
_____________________________
Next chapter is the epilogue.
We finally made it.
The letters about Axel Whitman.
LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH!
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