Rainbow in the Darkness

Chapter 8

I decided to dress a little nicer for Derrick that day. I would need all the confidence I could get so I decided to dress up in an outfit that made me feel good and made me feel invincible. I went with a pair of jeans with rips down each leg, a light pink V-neck tank top, a navy blue blazer, and a pair of black flats. I decided not to do my makeup because I haven't worn makeup since my friends left me. I figured that Derrick has seen me without makeup and still thought I was pretty so why start wearing it now?

I started walking to our spot with a big smile on my face, but my smile was soon wiped off my face. Derrick was making out with one of my old friends. I was shocked and routed in place. I couldn't wrap my head around what I was seeing, but I knew I had to get away from our spot. I through out my lunch, not feeling hungry anymore, and ran to the most secluded bathroom in the school.

I walked straight to a stall and sat down and cried. I was hurt that he would go from kissing me to kissing one of the people that had ruined my life. I didn't want to care about him hurting me, but he was the only person to not care about the rumors that were being spread around. He was the only person to worry about me if I didn't show up for class.

I was so upset that I didn't even bother covering up my crying when someone walked into the bathroom. It wasn't until they said my name that I stopped crying.

"B, is that you? Are you crying?" my old best friend asked, stepping in front of the stall I was in.

I didn't respond.

"B, I know I have hurt you, but I still care for you. You were, are, my best friend and I can't just erase the great times we have had. Please come out and talk to me. Please I've been trying to find a time to talk to you alone that way the others don't start picking on you."

What got me out of the stall was the way she said "the others." She said it like they disgusted her.

As soon as I walked out of the stall she grabbed me in her arms and hugged me. "I'm so sorry, B. I know what I did was wrong, but I have missed my best friend." She pulled back, looking into my eyes she said, "I had nothing to do with any of the bullying they have done to you. I haven't tried to stop it, which is horrible of me, but you know how all of them can be; you don't follow them and they will gang up on you. I don't expect you to forgive me so quickly, but please allow me to try to make up for hurting you."

I was so shocked that she was apologizing. I knew we couldn't go back to how we were a few months ago quickly, but I would allow her try to make things better because I really did miss her and wanted my best friend back. I only nodded with a small smile on my face.

She smiled. I knew she probably wanted to hug me, but I couldn't just forgive everything over the past couple of months that quickly. She could tell that I didn't want another hug and instead asked, "So why were you crying, B?"

I figured I might as well tell her-not telling her about Derrick directly. "I saw a guy I really like kissing Bianca, like really kissing her." Just saying it out loud hurt. I didn't know how I would face him in Health class.

"Aw, B, that's horrible. I'm sorry. Do you have any classes with him?"

I nodded.

"Hm...I know it's not my place to say this, but maybe it's not meant to be. I know it sucks, but if he wants to kiss the devil then he obviously isn't the right guy for you. Just pretend he doesn't exist and show up to class right before the bell rings so he can't talk to you and if you really want to make sure he doesn't talk to you then after class go up to the teacher and ask questions that way he won't wait for you. I know this is going to be tough, but you have dealt with all of them bullying you relentlessly for three months, you can be tough for a guy. Text me if you need to talk to me. Unfortunately I need to get back to class before my teacher gives me detention."

"Okay," I said, sad to see her go. Before she walked out the door I said, "Hey Sara." She looked back at me shocked that I had called out to her. "I missed you too." A smile formed on my face as well as hers.

I did exactly what she suggested, I showed up to class right before the bell and I made sure that Derrick wasn't waiting up for me after Health class. I could tell he was angry and confused. I wasn't sure if he realized that I had seen him kiss her.

Later that day I started walking to my locker, but stopped when I saw Derrick at his locker- not to far from mine- looking for me. I caught his eye for a split second; I hoped he didn't see me since our school was a school of 3,000 kids, but with my luck he did. I walked toward the next exit, needing to leave before he saw me. I kept walking even after I heard my name being called. What hurt me the most was that he didn't run after me. He had realized what was bothering me; he had figured it out yet he wasn't going to run after me.

I walked home and went straight to my room. I didn't bother starting my homework; I went straight to my reading chair and cried. I curled myself up in a ball and cried. That's when I saw the poem by Casey Armata that I had taped to my wall for incidents like this one.

When you're down

You look up for help

You look up for answers

You look to the sky

And suddenly, you realize why

The sky, appears to be, so well composed

Reds, oranges, pinks, and deep blues

Always looking ethereal

Even those who have dies, shine so bright

Those make up the stars, on a silent night

I kept this poem taped on my wall to remind myself that there is a bigger picture to my life than I think and also to remember Jeremy. This poem always allowed me to put into perspective of my recent problems and realize that the problems were not as major as I thought they were.

Though out the night I was getting so many texts from Derrick that I just turned off my phone for the night. I didn't want to talk to him. I could get past this, but that doesn't mean I wanted to talk to him. I would do everything in my power to not talk to him. I would go to the library and go to the reference books- since he would probably check the poetry section. I would be strong and get through it.