The Way I Love You

Chapter:18

*Xander's POV*

Pride, happiness, joy. Just a few words that come to my mind when I think of my little mate. Paisley brings me all of those emotions and more. She's everything I could have asked for in a mate and I was so incredibly stupid to have pushed her away like I did in the beginning.

Marking her was the most intimate feeling there is, its indescribable. Feeling our bond strengthen as my teeth sunk into her neck was so amazing, so incredible, that I knew right then and there that I was head over heels in love with Paisley Conner.

The thought has been bouncing around in my head for the past week, since our date, and I can't seem to shake it. I know that Paisley and I are a new couple but lets be honest here, I was pretty much in love with her when I first laid my eyes on her all those weeks ago.

I keep trying to convince myself to tell her, to just say it already, but I can't seem to get the words out. It's almost like I'm afraid to tell her. It's not the fact that she might not return the feelings that gets to me, it's me.

I've never been one for commitment, obviously. I've never had a girlfriend, it's always been hump then dump them, so the idea of putting my heart out on the line, being completely vulnerable, scares me. The idea scares me so much that I've been holding off on telling Paisley how I really feel.

Now as I sit in the lunch room, surrounded by my mate and her friends, I can't help but to feel angry with myself. I watched with conflicted eyes as Paisley, Perrie, Lela and Seth all sat laughing like the good friends that they were.

I had decided to sit with them because the thought of being away from Paisley for a second longer then I had to was distasteful. My hand was intertwined with Paisleys much smaller one and sat on the table. I repeatedly ran my thumb across her smooth skin while I stared at her beautiful features.

Her dark hair was strung down her shoulders and her bright blue eyes shined when she laughed. My mark sat proudly on her shoulder and every time I look at it I cant help but to smile. I could feel a fraction of Paisleys happiness through the partly formed mate bond and I knew that she could feel mine as well.

It was still strange and took some getting used to but I loved feeling Paisleys emotions. She had only been marked for six days but I already couldn't stand to be away from her for to long and I knew that once we completed the bond that it would get worse.

"Are you alright Xander?" Paisley questioned as she turned her attention to me. I blinked and tried to lift a smile to my face but it failed to reach my eyes.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I lied when the truth was that I was still upset with myself, upset because I am a coward who can't say what he feels. Paisley frowned, obviously noticing the lie that had come out of my mouth.

"Are you sure? I've been feeling a lot of anger from you today?" Paisley continued, worriedly. I sighed out my nose and ran a hand through my already messy hair. I was dying to tell her, to just get it off my chest, but my girly insecurities were making it impossible.

"I said I'm fine." I barked out a bit more rudely then I should have. Paisleys eyes flashed with hurt before she gulped slightly. She weakly nodded her head before gently pulling her hand out of mine.

I internally groaned and felt guilt washed over me when I realized that I had hurt Paisleys feelings. I noticed that Lela was staring at me with a hard look before she turned away and gave my mate a quirky smile. She still doesn't like me very much.

For the rest of the lunch period I contemplated ways to apologize to Paisley for my rude behavior, to give her an explanation, but nothing seemed good enough. The truth was the only thing that would do and I'm not ready for that yet.

When the bell rung, signaling the end of lunch, I hastily stood up and was ready to leave the large room when my angels soft voice spoke out behind me.

"Xander?" Paisley questioned cautiously. I frowned at the uncertainty in her voice before turning around with a small smile on my lips. I had been walking Paisley to all of her classes, making her late most of the time.

I leaned forward and enclosed her hand in mine, tugging her towards me and towards the double doors. I heard her throwing words over her shoulder to her friends but I continued to move along. We walked in silence down the hall and towards the girls' locker rooms, we both have gym next.

When we arrived in front of the stairs that would lead up to the locker room I released Paisleys hand and took a step away from her.

"I'll see you inside." I spoke quietly before turning to walk away, even though I had no intention of going to this class. I know that I'm being extremely rude but I need some time to myself right now, some time to grow some balls and stop being such a little girl.

I heard Paisleys quiet sigh behind me before her footsteps began to follow after me. I prayed that she would just let me walk away, because I really don't want to continue to hurt her feelings with my bad mood, but she wrapped her small hands around my bicep and pulled me to a stop.

I glanced down at her to see that her face held hurt and confusion. I again cursed myself, I have caused this angel enough pain to last a life time. Paisley cleared her throat before her eyes darted away from mine.

"A-Are you mad at me?" She questioned quietly as she released my arm and wrapped her own tightly around herself. I frowned and shoved my hands into my two front pockets before leaning against the wall next to me. I could never be mad at the sweet girl in front of me.

"No. Why would I?" I answered gruffly as I searched her face. Paisley looked unsure of my answer and I could feel the confusion coming from her. She brought her hand up and ran it through her hair before taking a strand between her fingers and gently tugging on it.

"I don't know, you just seem mad." Paisley finally spoke. I pursed my lips. I'm mad at me not you, I wanted to say but I kept to myself because if I was to say that then I would have to explain why I was feeling that way.

"Well I'm not." I stated once more before turning to walk away from her. I could feel Paisleys emotions quickly switch from confusion and hurt to confusion and anger.

"Why won't you just tell me and stop acting like a jerk." Paisley spoke loudly, and angrily, before rushing forward and placing herself between me and the door. I sighed and refused to look down at her.

"Move." I ordered as I went to reach for the door. Paisley swatted my hand away and placed her hands on her hips.

"What's your problem? You've been acting like a complete jerk for the last two days and I'm getting sick of it." My mate spit angrily. I knew it wasn't the time to be thinking about it but my mate looked extremely hot when she was mad.

I finally glanced down at Paisley to see the anger that swelled in her eyes and the hands she had tightly clenched into fists on her hips. When my eyes came in contact with hers they quickly darted back upwards.

"I don't know what your talking about." I lied even though I knew perfectly well the way I had been acting recently. Paisley let out a snort before raising an eyebrow.

"You don't huh?" She asked sarcastically. I slightly shook my head and shuffled my feet, I just needed to get out of here and take a run in wolf form.

"Your a coward you know that?" Paisley stated breaking me out of my thoughts. Her words processed in my mind and a small growl left my lips before my head snapped down to her. She stared right back into my eyes challengingly and I felt my wolf stand on edge, mate or not alphas do not like to be challenged.

"I'm no coward." My voice was low and one I'd never used with my mate before. I returned the challenging look she was giving me and felt slightly satisfied when I saw her own eyes flicker, Paisley is also an alpha and I know that she hates being challenged just as much as I do.

"Yes you are. You can't even tell your own mate how your feeling, you refuse to let me in, and in my eyes that's pretty cowardly." Paisley raised her voice. Another low growl escaped my parted lips and I fought hard to keep my eyes there natural color.

"I don't want to let you in, its none of your business. So just get out of my way." I ordered rudely as I grasped her shoulders and attempted to move her but she wasn't budging.

"None of my business? This is all my business! Your my mate!" Paisley cried as she pushed my hands away from her. I narrowed my eyes and prepared myself to say the words that I knew would end this argument.

"I am your mate but I don't have to tell you anything. Now leave me alone." I spoke harshly. All of the fire vanished from Paisleys eyes and was replaced with tears. When I saw the dreaded liquid make its way down her cheeks I felt my heart drop, I had made my angel cry yet again.

I wanted to take her in my arms and mutter the words that had been begging to be said for way to long. 'I love you.' But I couldn't bring myself to so instead I simply turned and with a heavy heart walked out the double doors, leaving my crying mate behind me.

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Hey guys! So here's the next chapter. What do you think? Don't hate Xander to much, he's just scared. I made a new cover! Thoughts on it? Anyways thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed!(: