TCAY2: Remembering The Chase

23. Duke

My mess

Dear a-shit-of-paper,

I'm selfish. I'm evil. I'm a jerk.

It's true that people never care until it's too late. Until everything's gone.

I never care because I know that she will never leave me. But I was wrong. Hell wrong.

I'm selfish that I only think of myself. I'm evil that I never care about her feelings. I'm a jerk for not realizing how much I love her that I'm so damn much in love with her.

And now she's back but everything has changed.

I crumpled the paper and threw it somewhere and rested my body on the couch. I closed my eyes and my memories with her flash-backed in my mind.

I smiled. A sad, fucked up smile.

Why everything turned out like this? I did my best. I did everything they wanted me to do. I did everything to to protect her. I thought I did my best but why everything turned into mess?

"Please, Duke, once and for all, tapusin na natin lahat ng ito. Let's both clear our sides. Let's talk everything. Hindi lang ikaw ang napapagod na. Alam natin pareho na kahit anong takas natin sa isa't-isa, hindi natin matatakasan 'yung mga nangyari dati."

"Ugrh" I grunted.

Tinakpan ko ng unan ang mukha ko para mawala na sa utak ko ang mukha o boses n'ya. Damn. Damn. Damn. I think the alcohol did not help but make things much worse.

"Leave me alone, Audrey. I'm a mess. Just let me handle my mess first before messing it up again. Just leave." I replied to her.

She took a step back. Slowly, then she stop meters away.

"I will wait, Duke. Kung kailangan kitang kulitin araw-araw. Kung kailangan kong halughugin ang buong mundo para makausap ka lang. Alam kong ang selfish ko pero we both know na parehas nating kailangan nito." she said, determined.

She looked at me for a moment before she left.

"Duke Emmanuel! Buksan mo ang pinto or you will not like what I will do."

Nawala ang mukha at boses ni Audrey sa paligid ko at napalitan 'yon ng sigaw ni Aleyna na nasa labas ng kwarto ko.

I did not reply at bumangon lang. I clean the crumpled papers and the beer cans na nakakalat sa tabi ng couch ko. But I'm still dizzy, so I ended up on the floor.

"Duke, last warning." I heard the sharpness of her voice. Tanda na seryoso s'ya sa banta n'ya.

I crawl on the floor until I came in front of the door of my room. I just sit there and wait for her next move.

"Duke! Please naman! Kailan mo ba ako papansinin ulit? It's been a week. Hindi ka na din lumalabas dyan. I'm so worried." she sighed and knocked the door continuously.

"Aleyna.." I tried to call her but it came out as a whisper so I tried again.

"Aleyna.."

She stopped knocking. "Duke! Duke!" tawag n'ya at may bahid ng relief ang boses n'ya.

"Aleyna, am I selfish? Jerk? Gago? Maybe I deserve all this mess in my life right now." I said bitterly.

Natahimik s'ya. Akala ko ay umalis na s'ya pero narinig ko ang malakas na pagbuntong-hininga n'ya.

"You're just stupid and jerk and a little bit of a gago, Duke. You're far from selfish. And everyone deserves all the best things in the world and you are one of them, Duke. You suffered so much, too much. Kaya tama na, please. Talk to Audrey, please, clear everything, talk about everything, hear her out, and set yourself free." pagsumamo n'ya at rinig na rinig ko ang pigil na hikbi n'ya.

I hold my chest. It hurts. It fcking hurts. My tears fall silently. Sht.

I'm thinking of Audrey again. Everytime I remember her, there's a pain in my chest that is hard to handle. I want it to stop. I don't want that everytime I'm thinking of her, there's pain.

I should stop holding back. I should stop acting that I'm protecting her from getting hurt when in the first place, she's the one who's hurting the most.

"Ahhhh!" I shouted.

Aleyna is still silent. I'm really a jerk. Ang dami ng nasaktan. We really should end this.

After a long silence, I spoke. "10am. Next week, Monday. At our old house, in the Philippines."

"D-Duke? What are-" tarantang sambit n'ya.

I smiled to myself.

"I think we really should end this chase."

*

Short ud for Duke.

2 chapters left.

ps. matatapos na din syaaaaa at last hahaha
xoxo