The Tudor Witch Book 1 Mistress

1524 Summer II (QE)

I feel a fool, a self-conscious fool. 

I stroke the sapphires which are displayed around my neck, they are beautifully cut, shined to perfection. Jewels a Queen would adorn, hefty in weight, the value exceeding anything I have ever owned. If I sold them, I would have the means to live a life of luxury, but you do not sell a gift, especially one given to you by the King of England.

"If you do not want his attention, you should have refused his gift. He will take your response as acceptance to courtship." Anne states.    

She is far braver than me, I am a coward. I know what this means, I have started a chain of events and now I will not be able to refuse his attentions. I have done nothing to receive such gifts, but Master Ashley's words run through me. He has gained approval from my ward at court, and now he is on the hunt, and I am the game.    

"They are beautiful," I say trying to justify my actions. 

She lifts her eyes away from her book, just to stare at me for a moment, to emphasize her point. "It is a collar. A pretty jeweled piece, but a collar that lets everyone know that you are the King's bitch, and he is in heat." She replies cynically. 

"Anne! You can not say such things." I retort shocked at her lude language.

"Then tell me, what would you call it?" She replies not even abashed.

I stammer for a response, my tongue turning dry. No matter how crudely she has worded it, she is correct. I am marked by splendid jewels, far superior to anything I have adorned before, all at the court will know the meaning of such wealth.  

"I hate it when you are right. Shall I return them?" I ask.

She closes her book, sighing in frustration at the interruption. "Too late. He knows you have accepted and you know what your mother desires for you. Might as well follow the path you have stepped on." 

"It has started then. He will pursue me to the bedchamber." I say softly.

"It will be his intention, his gifts are not free." She makes her way over to me, before running her fingers over the netted mesh of sparkles. "If you know what you are going to do, then perhaps, bargain for more first: a marriage in place would help your situation." She says softly.

I frown at her words. " I do not wish to be married off to a strange man with a large enough title, just to make me more suitable for bedding." 

"That is the way of nobility, we do not marry for love." She replies shrugging her shoulders. "Make no mistake, this is a passing fancy. He will tire of you like he has Mary, but she has a husband keeping her bed warm, you do not. 

"That is not an issue, I have plans in place," I say without thought.

"Plans. Prearrangement, with who?" She asks curiously.

I look at Anne, unsure to voice his name. He is her families serving man and I am not even certain if we have an agreement or a future together, not since our last conversation. "Master Ashley." I mummer.

Her hand falls to her side and she looks at me dumbfounded. "He can not give you this promise. It is out of the question. It will not be allowed." She says passionately.

"I do not need approval and his feelings are true," I say defensively.

"You are deluding yourself, you do need approval, Kat. He raises his eyes to high if he believes he can have you." She says sharply.

I stop myself from voicing my true opinion on the matter, was it not Anne who had looked to high above her station and demanded she was correct, his wife in all. I stop myself short, for I know in my heart it would hurt her.

"There is no pre-contract for me, or for him, there is no reason why not." I say trying to make her see reason. 

"Ask the King for an appropriate marriage or grow old alone, a spinster." She replies ignoring my words. 

Her words are so similar to John's that I fear them to be true. He had warned me that there was no future for us both, his station being far below mine. I may want him as a husband but I am deluding myself by dreaming for a union which would never be permitted. I am trapped, I can not ask the King to arrange a marriage for me, then ask it to be with John. He would see where my true desires lie, who I truly pine for, It would only make the King murderous with him. 

"Is there nothing in what you have read in those books, that can help me?" I ask quietly.

"You said the words were heresy." She smirks at my quirked eyebrow.

"You know very well that they are. It is normal for me to want to distance myself from such damning literature." I reply barely audible. 

"And now you wish to submerge yourself in it all, to have the life you desire." I frown at her, she made it sound so selfish to seek control of ones life. "Everything I have read says: That everything comes at a cost.

I nod at her reciting, then point to the sapphires dangling around my neck. "That is the way of the world. What will it cost me to make this marriage suitable in the eyes of our peers." I whisper. 

She makes her way back to the bed, picking up her small book, flicking through the pages with a look of concentration. "In truth, I have no idea! I am not so gifted with fore-telling. Just be prepared for some undesirable effects." 

"Like what?" I interrupt.

She tusks her teeth at the question. "I do not know, just say for example, what if he did not rise in station, but you got lowered. You would be able to marry him but would you give up your title, court-life, and wealth for this serving man?" She queries.  

I think on her words while Anne watches me with interest, as my mind ticks on. "That is one outcome and for love, I think I could do it. It would be worth the risk if it was a certainty we would be in marriageable bliss."

Anne strums the cover of her book in thought. "There are no certainties, you could lose everything only to find him in the bed-sheets with another woman down the line. I would use this as a last resort, try to achieve your motives with earthly means first."

I find myself agreeing with her. Stepping into the unknown is a fearful thing, and a ritual that could make my desires come true but at such a cost was not worth the risk, yet. Time will tell, and so will love.  

"Once the King beds me, he will grow bored after a time, then I can work out a way for us to be together. If I give the King a son I will have no chance with Master Ashley unless he makes himself high nobility." Anne's smirk reveals that she does not think him capable of such. "I must not have his children." I voice.

"Many men would want to marry the woman whose son is a claimant to the English throne, no matter a bastard. You would have your pick of the highest nobles." She says plainly.

I shrug my shoulders. "I do not want any of them, I want John."