Love Arranged (#1)

Chapter Forty

Chapter Forty: Maggie

It was hard reopening the discussion again after everything that happened.

We didn't know where to start, mainly because I already knew everything that there is to know and as he said, there is no way of justifying his past, only coming to terms with it.

But still, it just seemed wrong to leave it at that. There was obviously still some untouched tension in the air that was forbidding us to act like everything was fine again.

Because everything was not fine.

I still felt like I needed some reassurance and even he knew that. There were just too many basic similarities from his past actions that were akin to my own past, plus he hurt one of the most important people in my life.

It's hard to move past that and as much as I want the constant discourse between us to end, it'd just be pointless if we resume back to acting like everything is okay when it's not.

I've seen way too many relationships and friendships end just because they were too scared of confrontation, and although it's not really compulsory in this case, I still want to do it.

Especially if Evan made the effort to make it seem like he is worthy of my trust and for me to give him a second chance only so that we'd give ourselves a reason to head back to square one.

It'd be way too hypocritical and I don't wanna have to wind up running back in circles anymore, and so we sat down on my bed, trying to figure out how we're gonna start this.

"So..." I trailed off, nervously bouncing my leg on the floor. "This is awkward."

He chuckled, "You're telling me. I feel like we've already said everything that needs to be said but there's also something that's still missing."

We looked at each other for a moment, just drinking each other in "Same. I just feel like we need to resolve more personal conflicts between us before we move on and focus on more significant matters." I told him "Like figuring what we're gonna do with both you and Beth,"

He nodded in agreement "I know. I've tried handling that all on my own and it's safe to say it didn't end in the way that I wanted it to."

"My point, exactly. But first, we need to fix whatever this," I gestured to us both "-is."

We let the silence consume us as I thought about how I'm gonna start this conversation without venturing off the rails. Either with the technicalities or the overall sentimentality of it all.

"I guess we should first start with you," Evan suggested and I was taken aback for a second, but even so, I agreed.

"Okay," I let out a nervous breath, rubbing my hands together I tried to figure out how I'm gonna start this properly "I guess I'm gonna start as to why your past with Beth bothered me in a way that it did, and how you hiding it away from me for so long felt wrong as well."

He nodded, encouraging me "Go on."

My shoulders slumped "Okay first, it's not because I was finding reasons to try and not trust you again, if anything, that's the first thing that I want. To finally trust somebody without being skeptical all the time, but it's an instinct of mine to be skeptical."

"I guess it's because my mother coerced herself to try and trust my father too much even though the signs were already out there in plain sight, and even when I was young that took a toll on me for the worse." I clarified, "It definitely affected the way I would trust people and I just need you to understand that."