Love Arranged (#1)

Chapter Forty-Four

Chapter Forty-Four: Maggie

It never felt like this before. I've never felt like this with anyone. Even to those whom I thought I had fallen in love with. It never felt like this.

I couldn't explain it, but this feeling I have right now, this new-found feeling I had finally allowed to consume me after so long of denying its probability, it's otherworldly.

It rushes deep and it goes hard enough to the point that I can practically feel it in every part of my body and every corner of my conscience. It's hard to escape, it's all I think about.

This feeling, it's more of my oxygen than oxygen itself.

I breathed it in and I breathed it out and it was the only thing keeping me upright these days, but at the same time, keeping me unhinged because holy fuck, is this what being in love feels like?

It's alienating, to say the least, something I'm not typically used to, which is ironic because as far as I'm aware, I have been involved in a two-year relationship with a certain Levi Chu.

But even then, my relationship with Levi never felt like this. It didn't feel remotely intimate and or thrilling, if anything, our entire relationship felt convoluted and strained.

There was never a life-altering moment where it dawned on me that I was hopelessly, madly in love with Levi and everything about him. We just agreed to date each other and that was it.

That was basically my whole perception of relationships throughout the years that's why love always seemed so methodical to me. Not like this.

It never felt sentimental and or dreamy that I can actually relate to those cliche movie references that when a person falls in love it's butterflies in your stomach all over.

If anything, I used to make fun of that stupid fucking metaphor until now. Now I'm pretty sure it's not just butterflies in my system but probably an entire fucking zoo.

It's a strange thing to feel, to put it simply.

It's alienating in the same way that it's liberating because this is probably the first time I've ever truly indulged in the endeavors of what it feels like to be a lovestruck high-school girl who doesn't seem to know what to do with herself whenever her crush passes her by.

I'm not even exaggerating when I say that. It's gotten crucial at this point.

I'm pretty sure Evan has also picked up on my vague habits and responses to his advances lately because he's tried to dial it down a bit, despite how he clearly wants to do more.

But me being the overly giddy, dramatic teenage girl that I am who's acting like she's never even gone to a close vicinity with the opposite gender before, I just go timid whenever he's nearby.

I hate being in love. This shit makes me act more stupid than I would normally allow myself to act, plus trying to be casual is just as hard when you know deep down you can't be casual for shit. This is probably worse than trying to be friends with Evan when I thought at one point we didn't have a chance at getting along.

Because even though trying to suppress your hatred for someone was a struggle, trying not to let that same person know you're practically over the moon whenever they flash you a quick smile because you're so goddamn head-over-heels in love with them is just as tormenting

"Good morning,"

It is currently 7:30 AM and going by our newly developed routine of Evan picking me up to go to school, he waits for me at my driveway and I can't help but feel ridiculously unsteady as I greet him back on this fine, bright morning day. You know, like usual.