First Comes Like #Wattys2020

20

TWENTY

I'm telling Macey about my Double Tap dilema on the lunch table under one of the huge oak trees. "And then I messaged my match and his phone vibrated! It's him God damn it." I lower my voice and lean over the table, closer to her. "Dean is my match."

"Don't look so horrified." Macey says, laughing, "Dean Pinkette is a perfectly--"

"Shhhh!" I put my finger to her lips and look around, although it's lunch time and noisy and no one is interested in my conversation.

Macey lowers my finger from her lips. "I'm just saying that's it's not the end of the world. If you like him on the app, why can't you like him in person?"

Why can't I like him in person?WHY CAN'T I LIKE HIM IN PERSON?

Sometimes, I swear Macey isn't listening to my rants over the phone. I sigh, and don't bother get started my list: Why Dean Pinkette is No Good , that I compiled and edited after my awful discovery.

"My match is so interesting." I twirl pasta around my fork, "And he's so funny!" I sigh and look at Macey, "And cute and dreamy and perfect. And then in real life, Dean's just... Dean."

Macey swallows. "Dean's pretty funny. And cute, ask Gina."

"Haha." I roll my eyes and Macey smiles.

"And maybe you don't know him like that." She offers, "Maybe you haven't seen this side of him yet. You guys will be cute together. He'll wear a gold tie to match your dress, because you look good in gold and..." I stop her before she gets out of hand.

"No Macey! We will not be cute." I frown at her. "Or together." I add, as an afterthought.

"Gosh, you sound like you hate him." And then, when I don't say anything Macey stops, a fork full of pasta inches away from her mouth, "Wait, you still do?

I bite my lip. "Well, not exactly."

"Not exactly?" She can't believe it. "Even with Nina? Even with the Cole thing? Even after his loyalty and dedication to dropping you to and from school everyday?" Macey shakes her head disapprovingly, "Kinda ungrateful."

It does sound bad when she makes him sound like some kind of angel. "O.K. Fine." I say, "I don't hate him anymore." He has been particularly nice, there was no denying that. Sweet, even. "I just... I don't know."

Macey points her fork at me. "I think you're scared."

"I'm not scared." I mumble.

"Anyway, it's just one night." Macey continues,"You guys are going to laugh about it. it'll be hilarious."

"Right."

"Just go with it. Give him a chance."

These are the words she needs to hear regarding Gat, but I nod and don't mention it. 

"O.K Maybe you're right." I take a swig of water. "I'm flushing away all Dean negativity." I say, like a mantra. "I'm replacing them with optimistic thoughts. I'm becoming a new person."

"Deep breath." Macey encourages me and then we both burst into laughter.

***

Macey has officially set sail on the Dean-Valerie ship and she wants me to climb on board. I won't of course. I'm the person who fires canons from the shore and sinks the ship.

We're making our way towards the bathroom, to 'freshen up' before lunch is over. A few people are milling about in the hallways, chatting, grabbing books, or on their phones.

"I'm so excited!" Macey squeals,"I can imagine it already,you too, slow dancing together. Then he'll confess he loved you all along and, and..."

As tough as Macey may dress, she's a real believer of mushy romance and happily ever afters. Which makes the Gat situation extra weird. I haven't asked her about him again, but I know she hasn't changed her mind about the whole situation.

I'm playing with the threads of my distressed jeans as we walk. "Macey that won't happen." I say, a line I've been repeating ever since we left the lunch table. 

Dean and I won't kiss. We won't slow dance. We won't get married. And we won't going to have two kids, Dalerie and Vean (terrible names, by the way).

Macey nudges me with her elbow."That's my prediction. Remember when I predicted that the other Valerie would have the same backpack as you in fifth grade and you said that won't happen but it did. So, you never-" 

I wait for the 'know', but it doesn't come.

I look up from my jeans and discover why. There's Gat, right in front of a frozen and mute Macey. It's weird seeing the two of them so close to each other and yet so far apart. Gat's arms should be around Macey's neck or something. Their fingers should be intertwined. Not like this: clenched fist for Macey, awkward and shifty hands in the pockets of Gat's jeans.

He nibbles on his bottom lip like he's choosing his words carefully. 

"Macey,I miss you." He says finally, sighing as if he wasn't sure the words would sound right. Or maybe because she's finally given him a chance to speak to her in person, after so long. I take a step back and watch Macey study the floor.

"Can we talk?" Gatwick says.

Previously on Heart Games, Macey hid from Gat under the lunch table. In this episode, they talk... Will they be together again by the end of lunch?

I narrate the whole show in my head like it's some reality show. Was I a bad person? Making up shows about my best friend's problems?

Macey looks up from the floor, expressionless. "Gat, we've already talked. I made a decision, let's just see what happens-"

"Please, M." Gat interrupts.

Macey shakes her head and turns away from him. "Please." Gat says again, reaching for her arm.

I feel sorry for him. He's like a puppy begging to get through Macey's heart door. Let him in, Macey! "Let me go." Macey says.

OK. Ouch. I guess there wasn't going to be any talking.

Gat just looks at her, still holding her hand, obviously hurt. Macey looks away from his face. "Let me go, Gat!" She yells.

He lets her go, but won't back down. "C'mon Macey." He says, "You're driving me crazy! Can't you see that I love you! God, M! Why are you doing this to me?" He's yelling and people are looking. Macey looks down at the floor again and shakes her head. 

"And what happens if we don't get matched up, huh?" Gat goes on, "You're just going to forget everything?" He turns to me, "Valerie, tell her don't do this to me."

But Macey doesn't give me the chance to speak for or against her. She pushes past Gat and goes straight to the bathroom, leaving me once more in an awkward situation with Gat. 

"Sorry Gatwick." I mumble and follow my best friend like a should.

I find her staring at her reflection in the girls bathroom. "Everything will be fine,in the end. Everything will work out the way it should." I say, even if I feel like Gatwick is right.

What happens if they don't get matched up? Are they just going to forget about everything they had together? 

But I'm not in Macey's head. I don't know what she's thinking or what she's afraid of. I can't just make a judgment as an outsider.

She locks eyes with me in the bathroom mirror. "You sure, Val?" She says, "'Cause I have no idea what I'm doing."