da tru storeh of ashtun irwein

chaptah teHn

once upon a time, in a tower far far away, there lived a man. he was well known for having the biggest dong in the neighbourhood. even the neighbours kids would-

shit wrong story

let's get rRRRRRIIIIGGGGHHHHHTTTTTT INTO THE STORY!!1!1!!1!1!

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"ashtun get up boi"

ashtun was rudely woken up by the sound of poot sticking a golden hairbrush in his ear and yodelling. he shoved her off and got up. he started to cry once he realised how she woke him up - she knew how much yodelling TRIGGERED!!!!!!!! him. he was almost about to eat his own windpipe when poot stopped him. "boi, u gotta eat ur breakfast u know wot i mean fam???????" ashtun didn't want poot to talk in text anymore, so he went to eat.

it was a very simple day. he ate his toenail cereal like he did most days, and then went to work on his biography. it was called 'da tru storeh of ashtun irwein' it was about his life. but something was missing in the story. so he decided that he needed to go out and find some inspiration.

he packed his foundation and bronzer, and headed out into the sunlight with his shady ass contour and those luscious locks mmmmmmmmmm

he trekked across germany, and found the dildo factory that he remembered. it brought back so many fond memories of terrorising viners until they shaved their heads. it also made him think of his old friends, column, lucia and michelle. column and michelle killed his fish, so he ended up murdering them by setting their house on fire. ashtun loved revenge. lucia got eaten or something, so ashtun just pretended he never knew him. but secretly, he missed them all.

ashtun got off of his 420 humped camel and entered the factory. he looked around for any sign of life. and then he gasped.

a nasally voice came from the corner of the factory.

"fry me now, bitch."