da tru storeh of ashtun irwein

chaptah ELEvEn

"fry me now, bitch."

ashtun stared in horror at a fish on the ground. it could pass as a 59 year old virgin with a dog fetish if it wanted to. it's slimy scales had left a trail across the dildo factory. it smelled worst than the diarrhoea ashtun had experienced just days earlier. there was only one fish who gave him that vibe.

arzaylea.

"but you're dead!" ashtun cried. his foundation ran down his face like parents running away from the foster care system.

"that's what you thought. they put sauce on me and tried to boil me. but then the waiter had a change of heart. he went vegan. now he only consumes grass. he saved my life." arzaylea spat.

ashtun couldn't believe it. he had heard stories about these grass eaters, but he'd never spoken to a fish who'd met one.

suddenly, arzaylea took off. she flopped out of the dildo warehouse, and towards his 420 humped camel. "don't touch sydney!" ashtun screamed. he chased arzaylea out of the door, but she was already riding sydney into the distance. how would ashtun get back to russia now?

ashtun grabbed a dildo from the back of the factory. he had come here for one reason, and one reason only. to avenge the deaths of the friends that he killed himself. and to do that, he'd have to end his own life.

he was just about to plunge the dildo between his shiny, bronzer covered iron cheeks when a man appeared at the door. he held out his hand. "hand me the dildo. don't do this."

ashtun looked up, tears running down his face and leaving a trail as long as the skid marks in his underwear. "i have to. you don't understand."

the man approached ashtun, and grabbed the dildo out of his hand. "eat my liver now, bitch!" he shouted, plunging the dildo straight into ashtun's iron cheeks. the pain seared through his body, and he fell to the floor, muttering "darn it," over and over again. he watched the man walk away, and out of the corner of his eye, he spotted something that told him exactly who this man was. he had a shaved head. his sparkly dress was printed with the words "tuna salad, eat my babies."

it was nash grier.

ashtun's eyes closed slowly as the life left his body. and nash grier stood by the door, a liver in his hand. "transplants exist, dumbass." he laughed, slamming the warehouse door behind him as he left.

the true story of ashtun irwein was over. forever.

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