House Calls by the Doctor [8]

Forty Two

We ate in rather tense silence for a few minutes and I finished first. I wasn't very hungry given the fact that my boy was slipping through my fingers.  He took a bit longer, seeming to eat even less than I did, but finally put his fork down.  "Can I try this again? To explain?  Have you ever seen Peter Pan?"

Where had that come from?  "Peter Pan? I haven't seen the movies but I'm familiar with the story."

"Good. Good. Okay, so it's like this. You're my Peter."

I'd been called a lot of things in my life, never Peter Pan. "I'm Peter Pan?"

"Yes. And you whisked me away to Neverland. It's a wonderful place, it really is. I had amazing adventures, discovered... oh Lord did I discover things. And you taught me to fly! How many boys get that chance?"

"Not many?"

"Right!  Yes.  I made amazing memories that I'll never forget and I'm so glad I got to experience it.  But Peter, it's also a dangerous place."

"Because of Captain Hook?  Who's playing him in our little game?"  I couldn't wait.  Kevin?  I almost smiled.

"Um, no one I guess.  Phil maybe.  I didn't work that part out.  But worse than the actual dangers is the fact that during the day? During the day most people don't know it exists. I have to pretend like I've had a good night's sleep and that I was in my bed all night and that I'm 100% present in the real world.  I have to do that without you."

He what?  Bed?  Neverland doesn't exist.  It had been too long since I'd read the book and even if it had been yesterday I probably still wouldn't understand.  "This is probably not the best way to come at this conversation with me."

"I know but it's good, trust me.  I planned it. Just try, okay?"

"Very well."  What did he think I was doing?  NOT trying?  At least he was talking.

"You have a whole team of Lost Boys.  Ollie is amazing, Kevin... There's Mike and James and now more in San Diego.  You have your own family.  And I love them, I do.  When I'm there, with you, I even fit in sort of. But the thing is that I'm NOT a Lost Boy.  I'm Wendy."

I should have ordered the wine.  Or bourbon.  "Wendy?"

"Yes.  And I have a real life. Friends.  Family.  Away from Neverland.  I've had a grand adventure but now I think it's time for me to grow up.  No matter how much I love to fly, or love you, the truth is that it's not real, at least not for me. I can't be a lost boy any more."  He pulled his cuffs out of his jacket pocket and put them on the table.

"No. I don't want them." That was the mildest way I could express my absolute disgust at having them thrown back in my face.

"I can't... I can't keep them.  They're too much of a pull."

"They're a pull for a reason. You're not a lost boy when you're mine."

"Right, that was confusing.  I'm just pretending to be one."

"No, I mean you're not lost.  You're where you should be." I wasn't good at this sort of thing.

His eyes were catching the light and he looked stunning, but also so fragile that I worried he would crash.  "I want that to be true but it's not.  I'm sorry, I am."

"But you love me and I love you.  And that's... what does it mean if it doesn't mean that you should be my boy?"

He was swallowing and his mouth hung open slightly.  "You said it."

I had.  What did it matter?  He knew.  "It's not... I mean you know how I am.  But..."

"You can't say that when I'm trying to leave!  It's not fair!"