Scars

Chapter 8

It all started when I turned 13. I had been living in Texas for about 3 years now. My family had moved from England when I was only 10 years old. At first I loved it here in America but after a few things my life changed dramatically. First it was little things. Like girls calling me “Limey” and making fun of my accent calling it a “speech impediment”. That wasn’t the worst part. Every girl at school seemed to have a boyfriend, except me of course. I was always the black sheep in a sea of white sheep. The lone green apple in a pile of red ones. So I guess it wasn’t that surprising I didn’t fit in. All of a sudden guys started to notice me. This one guy in particular that I had met on vacation when my family went somewhere, I can’t exactly remember where we went all I know is he found me.

                “So you’re British.” I heard his voice ring out to me. I nodded “From Liverpool actually kind of like The Beatles.” “I bet you sing.” He said. “I do.” I smiled. Singing had always been my passion from the time I was young. I was always competing in everything I could. Music had that effect on me. Most people told me I had such a big voice for such a small girl. I always enjoyed it. “Mhmm.” He smirked getting closer to me. I didn’t think too much of that at first except for thinking most people kept their distance with me but whatever. He looked me up and down for like the 50th time. “Umm why are you looking at me like that?” I had asked. He shrugged and said “You’re just hot.” Oh it was more than that I knew that much even before it happened.

                We headed over to his house “My sister ran away.” He told me when we had approached her room. “She was so weird always making up a bunch of stories about me.” He said shaking his head. “That’s terrible.” I sighed. He shrugged “She wasn’t all right in here.” He pointed to his brain. I now tend to wonder who was that sister of his and was she so wrong to take off from him. On this vacation not much else happened he hadn’t started to hurt me quite yet. Oh he had a good chance to since my parents gave them our address and phone number so we could all ‘get together again’ that was the worst thing my parents ever did to me.

                School started again and things got more abusive with his guy. He called me every day. That normally seems so cute to most people but they don’t understand what he was saying to me when he called. At first it started off nicely we would talk about how much fun our vacation was our hopes for the school year and so on. But once school began his threats began “Hollie why the hell are you so ugly you look like a mouse.” He chewed me out over the phone. Tears were streaming down my face “I-I-I Don’t!”  “Yes you do. You know I only pretended to like you on the vacation. Nobody really likes you Hollie Crapvanagh.” He sneered at me.

I believed every word he said. My parents had started treating me differently and expecting more out of me than I could have delivered. School was hell for me already. And my daily phone calls from him. Ugh I still shutter at the thought of them. Each one was worse than the other. He began to call me fat, virgin, no guy would ever want to sleep with me, too short, too mousey, an embarrassment to his status. I remember the first time I cut. It was after a long day at school. He called me again and this time gave me the worst news I could have ever receive “Guess what Minnie.” He smirked “What…” I said terrified. “My family’s coming to McKinney for Christmas Break since I ‘Miss you sooooo much’ you better be prepared for me you dumb fat bitch.” He smirked. “NO MY parents won’t allow it.” I sobbed. “Too late they already said they were excited to have my family over. They don’t care about your feelings.” He told me. I believed it. He hung up and that’s where it all began.

                On December 7th, 2009 was the first time I had done it. I got out my razor. I used it to shave my legs so I just acted like it was just another day shaving my legs when in reality it was more than that. I left the water running just in case Aaron or Luke had come up. I grabbed a sweatshirt and cut deep into my arm. The pain was bad but it kind of felt a little numbing. “I deserve this.” I said to myself tears streaming down my face. There was another and another. I grabbed the sweatshirt and put it on hoping to never let anyone see what I had done to myself. I wasn’t proud of it but I sure as hell deserved to be in so much pain.

                No one noticed of course in my family anything that had occurred. No one said anything in school either. Of course Christmas Break was approaching and I was terrified for it. He would be there and there would be no escaping him and his evil ways. I headed home and guess who came a day early of course. His family.

                I was home alone with him Christmas night. “Oh Hollie how I missed you” he began talking sweetly again to me. “I missed this guy the one who was nice…” I said. “You want me to play nice I’ll play nice. Let’s go to your room.” He said taking my hand. I nodded. It wasn’t unusual to go up to my room was it really. He began to kiss my neck once I close the door “Stop….” I murmured. “I thought you wanted me to play nice Hollie.” He said “I do…I just don’t like you okay.” I said pushing him away. Bad idea.

“Oh Hollie you’re a little feisty bitch eh. Well I was going to do this the easy way since you gave me no choice the hard way it is.” He smirked roughly pushing me on my bed making me kiss him more than once. I knew I couldn’t scream there was no one there to hear me.  He took off my sweater and my pants quickly “Boobless and shapeless. I had a feeling you were like that.” He smirked. He tore off my underwear and bra. “STOP! STOP IT NOW!” I sobbed as he took off his clothes too. “Oh Hollie I told you to play nice. No pushing me next time.” He smirked lunging on me. “HOLD STILL YOU LITTLE BITCH.” He yelled at me forcing me down roughly everytime I tried to get away. “N-N-N-No.” I said putting out my best fight. He laughed “You’re just making this harder. It’s hilarious to watch you squirm.” He smirked forcing me into it.

                I cried the whole time he did this. I never thought I would lose my virginity this way. Of course it had to be to the most rotten, cruel person I’d ever known in my life. He laughed when he saw the scars on my arms “I don’t believe it. You’re breaking just like my sister did. Wow you’re trying to scream out in drama but no one cares how does that make you feel?” he smirked. I thought back to that poor sister of his. Who was she? What happened to her? “You’re thinking of my sister aren’t you.” He cackled “She’s dead now and soon you’ll be too. Neither of you deserved to be alive. It’s a shame she took care of it before I had to.” He said almost seeming regretful that he didn’t kill her.

                Tears streamed down my face after I told Colton all of this. I couldn’t believe I even was able to make it this far into the story.  He rubbed my back “Hollie I am so sorry that happened to you….Could you maybe tell me his name that sister thing sounds awfully like Baylie….” He sighed. I could barely talk from this but I murmured out the name I swore I never wanted to hear again “Michael Brown.”