Tough Girl Out, Soft Girl In

Chapter 33

I was dreading today. I knew I was definitely being stupid, selfish, and any word that describes cowardice.

But I didn't want what happened a few years ago. I didn't want to be bullied and to start cutting again. Or to go sudicial.

I was currently sitting at lunch with Asia and Lexi. They knew my plan and were supportive of it.

Asia had stopped nagging me about Alex when she realized I really was dating him. But she still liked him, and I could tell.

I didn't know how to feel of the thought of Alex being with Asia after I broke up with him. I had no doubts that Asia would go for him. And I also had little to no doubts that he would turn her down.

Asia was a gorgeous girl, one that boys found irresistible.

I knew I wouldn't be able to be friends with Asia if she and Alex dated. I was breaking up with Alex, not because I didn't like him anymore - I did- but because I didn't want the bullying anymore. And if Asia dated him, that would break my heart. It would also straight up break the Girl's Code.

To be honest, I guess I was prepared for our long friendship to end for good. These past few days, I didn't even feel as if she was the best friend I knew since I was 5.  Asia has proved to me she wasn't worth for my friendship.

I know that letting go would hurt and take time. So what? If I let my beloved mother go, I could certainly let a fake friend go.

My mood lifted up a bit when the bell rang for lunch to end. I was tired of being around those two.

I got up and was ready to head to my next class.

Then I spotted him.

I looked away, trying to impossibly shrink myself so he wouldn't see me. But of course, his beautiful dark eyes found me.

My brain told me to walk away. It was best if I did this later when my heart could actually handle it. But my heart told my body not to. I didn't budge when he walked up to me.

He had a huge smile on his face. My heart sinked, knowing I was about to ruin his good mood. But then again, maybe I wasn't. It's not like boys didn't move on so quickly after a breakup. Maybe I was being overdramatic about this break up.

But I found it hard to care. I liked him too much. And when he moved on, it would break my heart. I just liked him that much. It's not like I loved him, it was too early for that, but later on I could see myself falling for him like that.

Alex leaned foward and wrapped me into his warm arms. All the sensations, butterflies and sparks and electricity. I felt it all. And it was just a hug!!

Well, it could be the last one.

"You've been ignoring me for the past days. Anything wrong?" He studied me from head to toe. "And, girl, you look a mess."

I laughed quitely. I was wearing baggy pants and a baggy sweatshirt. My hair was not even tied up. Instead it hung around my head and fell to my shoulders, in all its curly glory.

Alex touched my chin and brought it up, so I was looking directly in his dark eyes. He looked worried as he asked, "are you okay?"

"Alex." My voice was barely above a whisper and I knew I was on the verge of tears.

"Monica." Alex wrapped his hands around me again, and more tightly this time. "What's wrong?"

I pulled away. His arms around me, it was making it worse. But after pulling away, he found a way to touch me again. His hand strokes my cheek. His eyes look into mines. I stared back into his eyes. We just stood there. His hand on my cheek, and our eyes locked on each other's.