Tough Girl Out, Soft Girl In

Chapter 36

My life is a freaking roller coaster. It was constantly moving up and down, and side to side. The thing is, I wasn't a fan of roller coasters. It caused me anxiety. My stomach was constantly feeling sick, and my mouth was always letting my nutrients escape.

That was only physically. It did worse to me mentally and emotionally. I couldn't handle my father and the words being thrown at me on the internet. The words ate my mind till I had a brain filled with only them. They became my memories, my thoughts, everything. I had no brain, just hurtful words that took it's place.

There was not a day or night when I wasn't using my brain of words. It kept me up at night. I desperately wanted to rip it out, but it was impossible. I wished I had someone to speak to, something to listen to other than the hate or my brain of words. But, I couldn't even go to Nanna. She would be there for me, but she was not getting younger, and I did not need to fill her head with my crap.

I threw water on my face and looked at the mirror.

My eyes were small and dark circles were surrounded them. I looked like I dropped at least fifty pounds. (Not really) I looked horrible, but when did I not nowadays?

Taking a deep breath, I slowly gave my reflection a soft, slow smile. "Chin up, Monica."

I stepped out of the bathroom.

Chin up, baby girl. Its almost over.

It's only been three weeks since homecoming. But my life has turned way more upside-down then it already was before.

People had no doubt that I was a dirty slut, and a evil, lying, fake friend.

When I kissed Alex after during homecoming, someone saw and took a picture. People saw it, and because Asia was 'dating' Alex, they thought he was cheating on her with me.

And it turned out that was Asia's plan.

I let a humorless chuckle come out. It seems as if there was no one I could trust!

I was done with her. With Lexi. The school. Everyone.

And Alex.

He had no wrong in this. I knew that. He went through a lot with me. So much. And I loved him so much.  I still do. But sometimes you meet good people at the wrong time.

Sometimes good people are not suppose to be part of your life.

Sometimes love can't be or stay built strong when the storm won't stop building up.

So, I cut all my ties with him.

I sigh. My life was terrible. I was lonely.  Depressed. Bullied.

The only thing I had was Nanna.

And singing.

A chill went down my spine when I suddenly remembered the Christmas concert I was the solo for. I hadn't practice. I completely skipped the rehearsals because I couldn't stay in the room with all the judgmental people. So, I practiced at home and mastered my parts.

Maybe this was a bad idea, I had thought that day.

 Now I realized how much of a terrible idea it was. But I couldn't resist the urge of performing and singing on a stage in front of a big crowd. I just couldn't. It was one of those things that brought my confidence, it made me feel happy. Basically, it set me free, as cheesy as it sounded. It gave me hope to. Like, I always thought maybe someone in that audience was a rich and famous agent and they would...

Angels we have heard on high, sweetly singing o'er the plains.

And the mountains in reply, echoing their joyous strains.