I Will Never Leave You

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fourteen

Dear Diary,

It seems like only yesterday my biggest worry was going back to school. However different things have become it is sometimes hard to think whether these changes are completely negative. Any outsider looking in would probably see all the shifts and wonder how I manager to put up with it. And perhaps they are right.

However despite all that, when I look back I cannot bring myself to regret the decisions I have made that have gotten me here. If I was being honest with myself I know, that if I were to go back to when all this started I would not change a thing.

All these new feelings are still foreign to me and I know that they have not only affected me but all the others around me as well. And while I desperately want to undo the hurt I caused to those like Stefan and Caroline there is nothing I can say that will make them feel better. I could apologize until I turn blue in the face but it doesn’t change the fact that both they and me know I am not actually sorry. Of course I am sorry about hurting them but the way in which I did it I cannot honestly be sorry for.

Currently it feels like the only thing that never fails to make me happy, is Damon. Even if it is just for a moment or so a mere look from him can make me forget about my problems. I am still quite wary about the way all these new-found emotions just appeared to me, and him as well, but they are basically impossible to fight against. While I know logically they are coming from somewhere else, or more accurately from another time, they still feel as real as my own emotions. They are over-whelming and never fail to consume me completely. Sometimes I find myself worrying about whether these feelings are returned. I know I am being quite trusting in this entire thing but I remember memories that aren’t mine and still seem so real of him assuring me that he feels exactly the same.

That is what is giving me the courage to keep going. The change my life has already gone through in the past couple of weeks is only proof of what diving into the unknown can do. If I was smart I would stop myself. But how can I possibly just sit idly by when I know exactly what I need to do? Even if it means risking the one thing that can make me happy right now? I am risking everything to gain so much more but if it goes wrong I fear-

Elena looked up from her page that was now half full of her cramped handwriting. Her pen was hovering directly over the page and when she heard another knock echo through the house. She closed her diary with the pen marking her page and slid off her bed.

Jenna had an appointment with her thesis advisor and Jeremy had disappeared before Elena had even woken up. She had decided to take advantage of the empty house as she was certain Damon wouldn’t be stopping by today. He had said something about trying to talk to Stefan. She wasn’t sure why he suddenly decided now was a good time to try and reconcile with his brother while before he couldn’t care less. She wasn’t complaining or anything, it just surprised her. And at the same time it kind of made her proud, she knew how hard making up with someone was for Damon but there he was trying to repair his relationship with his brother.

She was thinking about whether or not Damon had confronted Stefan when she opened the door. Bonnie was standing on the doorstep, her brown hair pulled back into a French braid down the back of her head. She was smiling nervously when Elena opened the door and was wringing her hands together.

“Thank you for coming Bonnie,” Elena said as she ushered Bonnie inside. She closed the door behind her best friend and banished thoughts of Damon and Stefan from her mind. Right now she needed to focus on the task ahead of her.

Bonnie nodded, “you said it was important.”

“There’s actually something I need to talk to you about,” Elena muttered not quite sure how to start.