Musicals In Love *DISCONTINUED*

10: What Is This Chapter + Ryden(tm)

Once Gabe had left with his new "friend", Ryan had pretty much packed up his empty food packets and thrown them into the bin before heading to the exits, leaving Brendon with a shocked expression, still sitting for maybe five seconds before he bolted after his friend. Ryan was half way to the exit by the time Brendon had caught up to him. He'd grabbed his arm and pulled him, making Ryan stop and look at Brendon. Ryan shook Brendon off.

Ryan was confused and a little pissed. So Gabe has been ignoring me for some new fucker he met? Why? What Ryan couldn't figure out is why Gabe was suddenly ignoring him. He just didn't understand anything anymore.

His life had fallen to pieces in only a few short months and he couldn't figure out why. His life had done a 180* in only a few weeks and well, it put Ryan on edge.

He skipped band practises to go and hang out with Brendon at playgrounds. That didn't earn him any points with Mr Weekes or their band captain, Ryland.

'Hey, Ryan, calm down.' Brendon grabbed onto Ryan's shoulder and pulled him out the doors of the shopping centre. Ryan just gulped in air. He'd be unaware that he'd been having a panic attack until Brendon had touched him. He hunched forward, eyes closed and counted up to random numbers and back down. HE couldn't breathe and he was about to cry.

'Just...' Ryan sat down on the bench and Brendon stood right beside the chair. Just fuck off, Brendon. Ryan felt kind of claustrophobic and angry. He just wanted to be left alone. 'Leave me alone, okay? I'll be fine. Just back off please.' Ryan stood up, pushing away Brendon's hand before dashing off.

His head was spinning and Ryan knew he was on the verge of breaking down in tears or something. He felt lost, off. Everything was fucked. Maybe Alice In Wonderland lost. All he wanted to do now was kill himself. Maybe it would be for the best.

He got honked by a car, running across the crossing. Ryan just flipped them off and waited in the shade. He stopped by a tree and leaned against it, typed a message to Gabe, wanting to hit send. He really did. He wasn't in the best place anymore. Maybe he's decided your unstable ass is the worst. Maybe he doesn't want to be around you because you're a fuck up.

Before he could talk himself out of it, he hit send and watched the message go through and he felt like a fucking idiot. Why would he message Gabe? Why the fuck would he want to talk to me? I mean, he probably hates me now. He's got a new best friend or lover, whatever they are and I'm nothing to him.

Ryro: Gabe?

Ryan sighed, pocketed his phone and tried to figure out the way to his place. Fuck it. I'm just going to have a drink. His phone kept buzzing away.

He spent a while trying to get home. He had no idea where he was going and Brendon kept trying to text him. Finally having enough, he power saved his phone and slipped it away.

Once he got home, he frowned at his dad on the couch, beer in hand, staring at their shitty TV. He didn't even say hi. No fucking point. He just sighed and headed to the kitchen, trailing his hands on the wall. The paint was chipping and they were bare.

When his mum left, she took all the photos that his family had off the walls. Every photo up until Ryan was five she had taken. She'd only taken the ones with him in them and left the ones with Ryan's dad in any photo behind. Of course, those photos are nowhere to be seen now, ten years later. His dad had destroyed them a few days after his mum walked out on them.

He'd been out drinking and Ryan was left at preschool for an hour after everyone else had left. Ryan had waited patiently by the school gates, his teacher watching him pick at the grass. Miss Kelly, her name was, had eventually tried calling Ryan's home number and no one had picked up. Ryan had the hope that his mum was going to pick him up, like she said. She promised him she'd be back for him and he'd believed her.