COLIN [SLOWLY EDITING]

46

'It hurts to let go. Sometimes it seems the harder you try to hold on to something or someone the more it wants to get away.'

                                                                                               -Henry Rollins.

(Colin)

Why does it have to be her?

Why?!

It should be me!

I cried,sobbed,screamed,cried,sobbed ,screamed,I cried,sobbed,screamed it never stops.It goes again and again.It will never stop unless she opens her two beautiful eyes.

Unless she wakes up and hugs me and forgive my cruel act.

Unless she smiled and slowly opens her eyes and started breathing normally.

It distress' me to hear the sound of her uneven heart beat through a machine.A machine who can predict if a person is suffering through an illness that only incapacitated people are aware of.

Anguish,a word that I really want to do to myself since when I was a little boy,but I know she won't be happy if I torture myself.

She'll be sorrowful if she finds out.

The sudden power she's creating is more powerful than my vicious,barbarous,fiendish act to people I hated and killed by my bare hands.

It affected me in many ways especially my anxiety and depression's slowly appearing in my life once again.I can feel it crawling in my veins,slowly making my life like a living hell of sadness.

Am I really that stupid enough to not notice?

Am I that clueless to not protect her?

Am I not that strong to save her?

She's the only one who's valuable in my life.

She's the only one I want.God!

Why does my life have to be this way?

Why am I born desperate?

She's the only solution to answer all of these questions because she loves me and that's all what I really want in life.

Be loved by someone you also cherish your life with.

I'm positive she's not yet gone,she will never leave me in this cruel world.She won't.

But watching her suffer..is a tough thing to deal with for three weeks.

(2 MONTHS LATER)

*Ring* *Ring*

"What do you want?"

••••

"I want him dead alright."

•••

"For fuck's sake,it has been two months and you haven't spotted him yet."