A Season of Firsts

Chapter 4 - Crush

After December 31st

AIDEN

I didn't see Cleo for at least a week and a half after that day when we first talked. Well, I saw her, here and there about the school, but somehow, perhaps because we were both busy or perhaps because we both had our minds on other things, we ended up ignoring each other. I regretted not asking for her number or something, but at the same time I just couldn't figure out where she'd fit into my life if I had. Every now and then, though, I'd remember her pretty eyes and my head would start spinning in a strange way...but I already had my heart set on Emma, and it wasn't too hard to think about her instead of Cleo. Well, that's what I told myself.

She really was a beautiful girl. Better looking by most guys' standards than Cleo in any case. I always tried to grab a place behind her in the waiting line in the cafeteria, and I'd watch her as she walked back to her table, her long body always elegant, her blonde hair almost always loose. She'd smile at me now and then, and whenever she did, I felt like I could fly.

But the smiles weren't satisfying enough. And when I heard about the party that everyone would be going to on Saturday, I figured it was about time I stop thinking and start acting.

I had to get myself invited to that party.

~ ~ ~

Before December 31st

EMMA

I wasn't sure if it was just in my head, but it seemed to me that Aiden was trying to get my attention. I had had plenty boys try it before, and I was used to playing it cold. But everything inside of me longs for my heart to finally be thawed. I'm scared, yes, but it has been a long time and that broken little twelve-year-old girl has turned into a five foot seven sixteen-year-old. And she is tired of playing it safe.

Another thing is that since I have 'met' Aiden, the nightmares have stopped. It's strange. For four years I've longed for them to stop, even prayed for them to stop, although I'm not as close to God as Patty and the rest of my family. I used to have this A3 poster on my wall with rainbow letters that said: Jesus is my hero.

But I took it down that December night.

I still go to church, and I haven't told my family that I don't consider myself a Christian anymore, but deep down I know I've made my decision.

Now the nightmares have finally come to a halt, long after I stopped praying or hoping they would.

And it coincides with meeting the boy named Aiden.

It's a Sunday afternoon and I'm sitting outside on the swing bench next to our pool, soaking up the weak sun. My friend, Crystalline, is sitting next to me. She prefers to go by Crystie so that most don't know her full name, which she has deemed ridiculous. I kind of like it, personally.

"Em? Did you not hear what I just said to you?"

Oops, I guess I zoned out while she was in the middle of saying something. "Um...wish I could say yes."

She rolls her eyes. "You've been doing this a lot lately, you know. You're not on something, are you?"

I shove her playfully. "Definitely. Got myself a dealer, want his number?"

She laughs her bubbly laugh. "Knew it. But wait, seriously, what's going on? Is it a guy?" And then her eyes grow round as she realizes what she just said.

I've asked her before not to go on about boys when she's with me, so no wonder she looks so concerned now. I have told her I want nothing to do with them and that I'm going to die an old spinster. She told me that if I am for real about that, she would join me and we'd live together and have lots of cats.

Crystie has been my friend for over three years now, and she's the only one who knows the dark secrets of my past, other than my family. She can be pushy and dramatic, but also the most loyal person I know. She sometimes doesn't think before she opens her mouth, but to me it just makes her more lovable.

"Didn't mean that." She quickly tries to change the subject. "You know, did I tell you, Bryan almost crashed our parents' car yesterday and-"

"Crystie! It's okay. I actually do want to talk to you about something like that."

Her eyes get even bigger. "Really?"

I nod. "But you have to promise not to tell anyone. Not Patty, or my brothers, or my parents. Or anyone else."

"I won't." She sticks her pinkie finger out and I hook it with my own. We've been doing this since age thirteen.

"There is a boy..."

"Oh Emma!" she squeals, "Wow!"

"Slow down! Slow down. I think I like him, but you have to understand that I don't even know him yet. Have you seen the new boy around at school? His name is Aiden."

She frowns as she thinks. "The one with the reddish hair?"

"Yeah."

"Hmm...interesting choice. He isn't classically good looking but he is like really tall, maybe six foot, and he has those eyes and his voice is kind of nice and-"

I cut her off again. "Seems like you've been observing him very closely."

"No, no, it's not like that, Em! I just...notice boys...a lot more than you think I do."

I feel kind of bad. I actually do know that she notices boys, it's just that I haven't given her any space to talk about it because I normally switch off when she even tries to start. She accepts it though and deals with it without complaining, but I know I haven't been a very good friend or listener. That's got to change. I want to turn over a new leaf, and be a little freer.

"Hey, I'm not mad at all. But this guy, I feel like he's...I don't know. Special? Can I say that when I haven't even had a proper conversation with him yet? And it's not a choice. Not yet."

She shrugs. "It's not weird to be attracted to someone you hardly know."

Something tells me she knows more than she's telling about that, and I want to get it out of her. I want her to be free to talk about anything with me from now on as well.

"Go on. Tell me." I wink and nudge her.

"Tell you what?"

"Who's the dude that's lucky enough to have you pining away over him? I know there's someone."

Her cheeks turn pink. "Oh, no one, really."

"Don't lie to me, Crystalline Maybelline Edwards." She cringes at my use of her full name.

"Okay, okay. He's one of Bryan's friends." She pauses for a few beats before going on. Bryan is her twin brother, and he doesn't always hang with the best company, I know that. "He's a bit older and Bryan only started hanging out with him recently. He totally looks like a surfer dude, blond hair and all."

My first reaction is concern and protectiveness, but I don't want to beat her down. "Well, in that case, I want to meet him sometime, and make sure he's good enough for a girl like you."

She smiles at me. "And I have to meet Aiden. He better be amazingly amazing to come close to even being deserving of you."

I smile at her choice of words and how happy she sounds. And I realize that I feel kind of happy myself, happy and hopeful.