A Season of Firsts

Chapter 9 - Bad News

Before December 31st

EMMA

When I get home I can feel the pleasant, warm flush that seeped into my face on the way back in the car, as Aiden and I sang along together to I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor. He can't sing to save his life and we both canned ourselves laughing whenever he tried to reach a high note.

I'm walking up the stairs to the house when the door abruptly opens, and Carpenter appears in front of me on the top step. With his blond hair and sky blue eyes, people have often asked if we're twins.

"Emma, where have you been?" He looks so worried, I want to wrap my arms around him and tell him he never has to worry again because I've found someone who makes me happy. But I don't. Because although I want to be sure, I'm not, yet.

"I was out with a friend," I say, nonchalantly.

He frowns and closes the door behind him. "Was that friend," he uses his fingers to make air quotation marks, "the same boy that just drove away, by any chance?"

I shrug and give him an angel smile. "Maybe."

He runs a hand through his hair and it sticks out in weird places afterwards. "This isn't funny, Emma...don't tell me you've forgotten what happened last time."

This sort of protectiveness is the kind I hate. When he acts like I'm too dumb, naïve and wide eyed to make my own decisions anymore. I used to be, once upon a time, but surely he knows I'm far more grown up now?

"I don't need a reminder." I try to shove past him and he stops me, grabbing my arm.

"Please just be careful with yourself."

I simply nod and look down at my shoes, refusing to look him in the face. He sighs and drops my arm. "Well, I'm going to go see Jack. See you later."

I give him a quick hug to show him I appreciate his concern, and then watch him cycle away on his beloved Giant bike.

Once I'm inside my room, I toss my backpack on the bed and start undressing for the shower. There's a loud knock on my door while I'm busy taking my tank top off. I quickly pull it back down. "Come in!"

Mom opens the door and pads inside in her fluffy slippers. "Hey, Em. I have something to tell you."

I quirk a brow. "Good or bad news?"

She looks uncomfortable, and unhappy, like she doesn't want to tell me what she has to say. "It doesn't have to be bad if we go about it the right way."

"Okay..." I wait for her to speak.

She lets out a slow breath as if she's bracing herself. "Blaze Brooke has to come to town for a few weeks."

I freeze. I hear my heart thumping in my chest at the sound of his name, but not in a good way. I wonder if mom can hear it, I wouldn't be surprised if she could, it's reverberating so loudly inside of me.

"You remember his mother, Cherry Brooke. She was a lovely lady."

Yes, I remember her. I remember how Blaze used to say that her weak will and passiveness made him angry. Everyone else loved her, she was so sincere and kind to all, so I never understood why he felt that way. But then again, a lot of things made him angry.
Something else mom said is also making my head reel with unwelcome thoughts and memories. Was a lovely lady?

Before I can ask, she explains. "Cherry recently passed away. Cancer. What with the way Blaze's father is, you know how he is, Blaze has to come back here to help arrange the funeral himself and of course attend. They are a bit low on funds, since they have to pay for the funeral, and one must keep in mind Blaze's studies and the flight here from Connecticut, so he can't afford to pay to stay somewhere...it's quite sad, that Brad Brooke won't allow his own son to stay with him-"

"I don't blame him at all," I bite out.

"Honey, please. Listen. Blaze has nowhere else to stay, he must stay with us. It's the Christian thing to do."

I feel anger flare. How can she do this, after everything? "The Christian thing to do is what stopped me from pressing charges against him!" I yell. "I agreed to it to please you. You said he had a future ahead and I shouldn't be the one to ruin it, because what would Jesus do, right? You told me to forgive. But this? This is too much; you must know that."

"Calm down, sweetheart." There's a determined look in her eye, and I know she won't change her mind. She cared very much for Cherry and probably just wants to honour her, but I honestly can't believe her right now. "You, of course, won't have to be here while Blaze is. You can stay with Crystie and her family, I've already asked them if it's okay."

"You're kicking me OUT? So that he can have somewhere to stay?" I feel flames in my chest, the fury and confusion constricting me, ruining the perfect day I had with Aiden. I thought she cared about me more than this.

"Emma-"

"No." I snap. "Don't Emma me. Does dad know about this?"

She presses her lips together. "Don't talk to me like that. Yes, he's not happy about it either-"

"You seem pretty okay about it," I spit out.

"Please, Emma. Listen to yourself. We're Christians, we're supposed to be a light in this world and turn the other cheek. Your father very much dislikes Blaze for what he did, but he also knows this is the right thing to do."

"Dislikes him? Hating him would be more appropriate. Tell me you hate him, mom. Because I do. And you're on my side, aren't you?"

She sucks in a breath. "Don't say that, Emma. The bible says that saying you hate someone is as good as murdering them."

"Yeah, well, I reckon I wouldn't mind him being murdered." I turn on my heel, walking into the en suite bathroom and slamming the door behind me.
A thought comes to me and I spin around again, opening the door and stomping out. Mom stands exactly where I left her.

I want to shout, but the words come out as a whisper. "You are on my side, right?"

She walks over and wraps her arms around me. "Always, my strong girl. But I need you to do this. I know you can. Do you?"

I could scream. I could throw things. I could cry. All of those options run through my mind. I would like to do any of them, that's how much I don't know how to handle what I'm feeling. But mom is hugging me to her chest so tightly and her soft warmth makes me feel better. In my head I'm remembering who held me the night I was crying so much I couldn't see or breathe properly. And I realize my love for her is stronger than my hate for Blaze.
Besides, if I don't have to see him, I might make it out alive.

"Yes," I decide, at the same time I say the word.

"That's my Emma." When I look up, her eyes are closed and her lips are moving silently in prayer.

I almost can't remember what it's like to pray. I feel a tug at my heart and I'm very close to giving in before I harden my will and manage to resist. Why pray to a God that allows awful things to happen to his supposedly loved children? Cherry Brooke was a devout Christian, and she ended up dying of cancer, sharing a home with a husband who never actually loved her and missing a son that wasn't worth being missed at all.

And me, well, I will never be able to forget Blaze either, or what he did, for as long as I try.