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A/N: SHAWN PLAYS AT MSG TODAY. IM SO PROUD OF MY BABY ADULT MUFFIN LIKE EBSBDBDBDBDB.

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Im sitting in the car rethinking what just happened. Shawn and his mom are going to hate me. They are going to think I'm so rude. What is my issue? God I feel like disappearing off this planet. I'm so sick of feeling unhappy.

About 20 minutes later of me just sitting in the car rethinking my life choices, everyone comes back to the car. No one even looked at me. If I thought the last car ride was quiet and awkward this one is worse. I feel embarrassed. The things I said about Shawn would embarrass me if he didn't feel the same way anymore. Maybe Casey really did turn him to hate me. Emily didn't even look at me. Her and Aaliyah just looked out the same window without a word not looking our direction. I look up and I see Karen looking at me though the front mirror. I gave her an apologetic look and she gave me a sympathetic smile. Thank god she didn't hate me. I would miss Karen.

We pull up on Shawn's driveway and I climb over the middle seats after Shawn gets out. He holds the car door open for me and after I exit he shuts the door and takes my hand. I freeze under his random touch but after a few seconds I calm down. "Can we go talk Mil?" I just nod and we start walking towards the neighborhood park. He still hasn't removed his hand from mine. In fact his hand is tightly interlaced with mine. As if he was afraid I would let go. We quietly walk up the the swings and he finally lets go of my hand. I sit on the swing next to him and just look at him. "I'm sorry." Pft. Really? That's all he could say? "No you know what Shawn? How long have you known Casey? What? Since last night! That's only a few hours. But me? You've known me for a long time. Why you took her word over mine just baffles me. I'm hurt. Do you understand that? I had a major panic attack because of what actually happened. I thought the mean girl who tries to split up people only happens in movies but nope." At this point I was in full out years and I was barely turned towards him but I could see he was crying too. "Camila words can not describe how much I felt like shit after we broke up. I'm honestly not going to lie I felt like killing myself. I'm so stupid. I always mess things up. I always seem to find a way to hurt you, I will always hate myself for that. I was so fucking stupid for not seeing it. I thought that you were being irrational but I see it now. I'm so sorry calling you a bitch. That's my worst regret. Oh man did I feel like utter shit after I said that. And I'm sorry for not trusting you. I'm sorry for being the asshole that I am. And I'm just fucking sorry!" He was now all bloodshot in he eyes and his face is all puffy and red but crying. "I love you so much and I honestly won't last without you. Your my everything to be completely honest. If I didn't have you then what's the point of my life?" I got up and walked over to him. "How about we go about like this never happened. You are human. People make mistakes. Plus I really love you so I'm not leaving that fast. But fuck Shawn please just trust me next time. I was so heartbroken without you." He then got up and wrapped his arms around my hips and picked me up. I wrapped my leafs around his waist and he hugged me tight. "I promise I will never hurt you ever again." And with that he carried me back to my house.

Shawn invited some of his guy friends over to my house. Emily and I decided that we were going to hangout with the boys. And maybe go over to Shawns house for the pool.

Jack Gilinsky, Jack Johnson, Hayes Grier and Nash Grier all came over and we all hung out in my room. Unfortunately my mom and Karen forced us to invite Casey but no one payed attention to her really. Everyone loved Emily though. It was so cute though because Jack G was all over Emily and Emily was all over Jack. Maybe I could convince Emily to move up here.

"Let's play truth or dare?" I heard Nash say. Everyone agreed and we all got in a circle. "Ok I'll go first. Emily truth or dare?" Nash said smirking. "Oh no, um dare." She said hesitantly. "I dare you to kiss Gilinsky." Everyone made noises but the two kissed and it was so cute. "Ok Johnson truth or dare?" Emily said still blushing from the kiss. "Truth." Everyone looked back at Emily. "Who is your crush?" Emily smirked. "Um this girl Kaitlynn at school." He blushed. Everyone 'awed' in unison. "Oh shut up, um Casey truth or dare?" He said chuckling. I forgot she was even here. I guess everyone else did too because they all looked around until they found her. "Oh hm dare." "I dare you to pick on person in this circle and kiss them." She smirks at me and leans over to Shawn. My eyes widen. "Excuse me bitch. Get off my man." I shoot a glare at her. She just smiles. Shawn backs away and scoots closer to me. "I was dared to kiss someone of my choice, I chose Shawn." Shawn wraps an arm around my waist. "Well too bad. You'll have to choose someone else." I raise my voice at her. "No I want Shawn. Shawn please kiss me?" She pleads to Shawn. How pathetic. Shawn just leans over and kisses me hardcore. Tongue and everything. He finally breaks away and stares at Casey. "No sorry, I would never ever cheat on my girlfriend. I love her so much." I smile and just melt into him and hug him as tight as I could. She just rolls her eyes and doesn't end up following through with her dare. We all are over this game anyways. She ruined it. At least for me she did. We end up just deciding to go to Shawns to swim. He has an outdoor pool and it's really fun. Plus I get to see Shawn shirtless.

I run up to my room and pull out my white two piece and then a pink two piece for Emily. We get changed and I pull on jean shorts and a white shirt over my swim suit and then we go to meet the boys and the bitch downstairs. "Wow Emily." Gilinsky says looking up at Emily. She blushed and we headed out. Might I add, me and Shawn hand in hand felt so good. Almost like I was at peace.

We make it to Shawns back yard and all the boys go inside to get changed. Me and Emily lay towels on down on lawn chairs and then go inside and I made kool-aid while Emily got out snacks. We laid all of the snacks and drinks on a table out side and waited for the boys to come outside. Surprisingly Casey stayed away from me and Emily. She was sat at across the pool. Not going to lie she was wearing a really cute swim suit. It was purple and it had a black tribal pattern. She was a lot prettier than me too. She had a nicely tanned, thin but thick in the right places, muscly body. She made me very insecure. I was pretty tan but not as tan as her. And my thighs were like logs compared to her twigs. Her dirty blonde hair was long and naturally straight while mine was long, black, and naturally weird looking. I'm surprised Shawn hasn't jumped ships yet.

Moments later Shawn followed by the others come running out and they all immediately jump in. Shawn swims to me and I get up and jump in after wards. I get on his back like a piggy back ride and he swims around like a fish. We then start to play chicken. Me on Shawns shoulders and Emily on Jacks. Emily is super strong so of course she pushes me and Shawn and I fall backwards. When I resurface I start laughing. "Can I play?" I look over to see Casey staring at Shawn. Practically drooling over him. "Uh sure I guess." He says not trying to be rude and she gets in. I get on Shawns shoulders again quickly and I'm ready to finally fight this bitch. She finds Nash and gets on his shoulders and we start to fight. I grab her shoulders and push her back causing Nash to stumble back but she immediately leans forward and grabs Shawn causing shawn to fall back now. She removes my legs from Shawn's shoulders and  I fall back in to the water I quickly resurface to see everyone gathering around Shawn. "GET OFF ME CASEY." "NO SHAWN. PLEASE LOVE ME. IM SO MUCH HOTTER AND PRETTIER THAN YOUR GIRLFRIEND." "MY GIRLFRIEND IS HOT. AND EVEN IF SHE WASN'T, I STILL WOULDN'T GO FOR YOU. YOUR TRASH NOT GOING TO LIE. YOUR PERSONALITY IS SHIT. NOW LEAVE THIS POOL AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE. BETTER YET GET THE FUCK BACK TO YOUR COUNTRY." I rush over and cling to Shawn and I kiss his shoulder to try to calm him down. Casey storms out and that all happened so fast that I don't even know what just happened. "What just happened?" "She tried to kiss Shawn!" Emily yells. "SHE DIDNT RIGHT?" I immediately go red from how mad I was. "No Nash and I pulled her off quick enough" Jack G said. I was thanking them. "Let's just go inside, dry off, eat the snacks and maybe watch a movie." Shawn said. I nodded and looked in his eyes. I kissed him and gave him a hug. "I love you Shawn." "I love you too." "Can I still leave and go on tour with you?" It had been bugging me ever since he asked Casey to go with him. "Of course. I wouldn't take any other girl."

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MSG WAS YESTERDAY AND IM STILL CRYING

I WILL FOREVER BE PROUD OF HIM AND I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

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I WILL FOREVER BE PROUD OF HIM AND I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. ITS TRULY THE MOST PAINFUL THING TO KNOW YOU  COULDN'T BE THERE TO WATCH HIM ACHIEVE HIS  DREAMS. ITS HEARTBREAKING BUT IM STILL SO PROUD AND I LOVE HIM WITH ALL MY HEART AND EVERY OUNCE OF MY BEING. 🎸🇨🇦💘😭

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