Fine Apple | ✓

m a n g o

❝The ocean stirs the heart, inspires the imagination and brings eternal joy to the soul.❞ -Wyland

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dedicated to textroverts, the amazing crew of dialogue writers who inspired me to write my own

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"HELP HELP HEEEEEELLLLP!"

"Hello, this is the Fine Apple market, and no, we are not an Apple knockoff store; how may I help you?"

"Well, someone just stole my phone!"

"Sorry, what?"

"You asked how you could help me."

"...Oh."

"I need help--my phone was right next to me a minute ago and now it's gone! Seriously! Someone, anyone, help!"

"Ma'am, I'm sorry, but I don't have the ability to teleport to your location and help you find your phone."

"But someone actually stole it!"

"Are you sure?"

"Can you shut up?! My phone didn't disappear on its own. Someone. Took. It."

"Okay, okay--sheesh, lady--first of all, settle down. Second, where are you?"

"I'm on the Delaney Beach boardwalk."

"Uh... you're on the wrong beach. Can't you find a fruit stand closer to your location?"

"What?! I didn't call for a fruit stand!"

"Regardless of whether or not you intended to call for a fruit stand, you did call for a fruit stand. I rest my case."

"But I didn't mean to call a fruit stand! I just--I just really need help right now!"

"Why, or should I say how did you call this number?"

"I needed to call someone for help. This isn't even my phone, actually."

"Whose... phone is it?"

"I don't know. It was lying on the counter at the ice cream bar. My phone was with me a minute ago, and now it's GONE--"

"Hold on, ma'am. Your phone got stolen, so you just stole someone else's phone... to phone for help... so you could find your phone?"

"I'M DESPERATE, OKAY?"

"Okay, okay, OKAY--I get it. Seriously, calm down. You never explained why you called this number."

"I was trying to call my own phone, but it didn't work for some reason--"

"Calling yourself often has such consequences."

"--so then I tried calling my mom's number but that didn't work either."

"Punching in the wrong number often has such consequences."

"CAN YOU NOT?! This is a serious problem!"

"Look, ma'am, are there other people around?"

"...Yes."

"Then maybe you should ask them for help, instead of someone who has no proximity to you."

"But--"

"..."

"UUUUGGGHHHHH!"

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