Just My Random Junk~

I need H E L P

So, as some of you (the two people who read this, perhaps) may recall, my dog Geoffrey was sick back in July.

He was throwing up, and couldn't keep food down for an entire month. A month.

After the vet had given him about 3 injections and several medications, he eventually got well.

Moving on, something else has now happened to my precious furry package of comfort.

The other week (two weeks ago), there was a growth on his back that burst open and began to bleed everywhere. This happened on Wednesday night (not last week, but the week before).

The next day, my mother and I took him to the vet as soon as we got home from piano lessons. We also brought my other dog since she needed her yearly vaccinations.

So, at the vet, they told us that once it had healed, if the growth came back, they would have to surgically remove it.

They shaved the spot that was bleeding and gave us two medications to give to Geoffrey.

Well, exactly a week later, on Thursday night, my sister noticed a beautiful red mark on his chest. It looked almost as if someone had shot him.

And, well what do you guess it was? Another growth that had exploded! :D (I'm being sarcastic with my happiness here...FYI~)

So, my mom said something along the lines of, "I'm sure it'll be fine."

But when Friday came around, she told me

"I'm sorry, Julia. I know you worked hard to have today off from school, but we have to take him to the vet."

So, yeeeeeep.

When the vet was examining him, she said these exact words

"Well, he wouldn't be showing any different signs if he had cancer, so I really don't know yet. We'll most likely have to surgically remove it to check."

I am so freaking scared...and yes, I know I worry about things a lot.

But my two dogs are the only living things that have been of great comfort to me irl. If I lose Geoffrey, I'll be losing a part of myself.

I have never experienced the loss of someone dear to me.

I've watched people I once knew die, but I never allowed myself to get close to them.

Geoffrey is just so freaking different though fffff

And since I've been so freaking worried about Geoffrey, I've been trying to spend more and more time with my internet friends.

They probably don't even know how much comfort they bring to me when they help me keep my mind off of my problems hhhhhh

And to try to cheer myself up today, I made a list of the things I liked in life. Before bed, I managed to list 101 things. After that, I wrote in my journal.

And that's when I just crashed, I think. I was just venting there so so so much, talking about Geoffrey and how life is really being a pain to me right now.

My mind enjoys lying to me at times like this, saying nobody would care if I'm gone, so I should just kill myself.

But, you know, I think it's just stress kicking in.

Every school week is a wreck now because of my sister. She had physical therapy twice a week, and that usually takes up to a good two hours.

Then on Friday she has horse lessons
Like why

She's making me stress out. She doesn't even like horse lessons that freaking much.

I'm not thinking very right now and I can tell. This is all a wreck of confused emotions that can't be felt.

I'm probably just worried about the four tests I have this week.

F r e a k i n g