In the Closet Goes Reason

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Jasper

I had watched her leave, and I felt a chill shoot through me, something in my stomach flipped, making me feel like the floor had given way and I had fallen through. I packed it up to the night I had just had and pushed the feelings away. Turning to my friends I gave a huge shit eating grin and held up my arms, flexing them I kissed one of my biceps,

"Your very own Jasper fixed our problem." My voice with slow but held conviction.

Amethyst was the first to bust out in a grin, Garnet, on the other hand, didn't move a facial muscle, but gave a solid thumbs up. I was positive that she knew what I had done as if the swollen jaw and nail marks over my eye did not give it away. Amethyst took my hand and all but dragged me out the classroom with Garnet pulling up the rear.

Going to the dining commons, I got a mug of coffee and a danish. We sat at the back, and each of us got absorbed in our worlds.

My world was about how I was stupid that I did not do this in the first place. The Queen around here had called me. To be a part of her castle. Her power. Her money. Her women. The violence. Her Love!

Was it bad that for a second I did not think about my friends? And family? Well fucks to the family, they could all die for all I cared. Treating me the way they did!

Seeing your mother give blowjobs to strange men, and breastfeeding you at the same time? She said "I cried too much, but mama still got to make her money. This will do, no its okay she won't take away me caring for you big boy! "

Being six and a man said" it was okay to touch it. That all good little girls feel it. You don't want me to tell ya, mama, that you have been a good little girl for the kind man? "

Your 12th birthday, no there was no cake, no toys, no clowns. No, it was mama and the same nice man, he smiles and pets you body! Saying it was time to be a big girl! That all big girls went through this! That you want to make ya mama happy? Then don't tell her. It could kill her! Do you want to be the not big girl who killed her mama?

Wanting not to kill mama you do what the nice man says. The blood flowing between your thin still forming thighs. You cry, but nice man doesn't like that. He frowns and hits you for being a bad girl! You go quiet, and when the nice man is done you run to mama blood still running smiling like nothing was wrong. Nothing could have been wrong; I had saved mama from dying! She would love me more for that!

But she doesn't hug me back, she runs and pushes me down, calling me a whore for stealing the nice man from here! Calling me other mean names as she kicks me. I am confused I cry out "I didn't kill you, mama, I did not know why you are not happy! I love you, mama! I saved the day like a superhero!"

One well-placed kick to the head had me go to sleep! I woke up in all white! I was in heaven! But beeping drew me away. I was in the place sick people go, with mama next to me. Crying. The nice man was not there. But another man was. I remembered him; he was my father. My dad was there. Taking away from himself to see me! It must have been a big deal!

Things were nice for a while then father got drunk a lot. Hit mama and hit me when I tried to save mama. When I got older, I vowed I'd never be able to let some man do that to me! Or the ones I loved! I was going to be the roughest, the biggest, the scariest! I never let anyone make me scared just because of size!

I worked, and I worked until I was the most savage I could be. Living by the mantra, You hit. First, you state your power.

A warning.

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