"You've never met my parents, have you?"
"Is that a question?" We were standing outside my family home, about to join my parents and brothers for Christmas Eve dinner, our first together. It gave me a pleasant thrill down my spine when I thought about how close we'd become in the last year and a half.
"Oh, God, are they crazy?" joked Dan. "Wait, don't answer that. I'm already nervous as it is."
I looked at him sideways. "You're nervous? Why? They're going to absolutely adore you."
Dan's cheeks reddened. "I don't know... I just—new people, and such. Gets me on edge."
I could understand that. I'd met Dan's parents a few months into our first year as flatmates, and I'd been a wreck, hoping they wouldn't think I was a bad influence on their son (they'd thought the opposite, as Dan explained to me later).
"Okay." I took a deep breath and knocked, hoping my family wouldn't embarrass me too much.
"Philip!" My mum opened the door immediately and enveloped me in a warm hug. I had to smile. I loved my mum. I pulled away after a minute and introduced Dan. My mum hugged him too, and I snorted at Dan's slightly panicked expression. He relaxed after a moment, and patted my mum on the back until she let him go.
"Oh, boys!" She sighed happily. "I'm so glad I get to finally meet you, Dan! Phil's been going on and on about you for the longest time—"
"Mum!" I protested, feeling my face turn red. Dan laughed and threw his arm around me. I quickly pushed his arm away when I saw my mum look between us suspiciously.
"Well, come in! We've been waiting long enough."
We headed inside, savoring the warmth that hit us as soon as we stepped through the threshold.
"This must be Dan!" My dad shook Dan's hand formally, though I saw a twinkle of mischief in his eyes.
"Hi, Mr. Lester."
Dad laughed and ushered us into the dining room, where a huge meal was waiting. I breathed in the delicious scents wafting from the various dishes.
"Sit down, bro."
"Martyn!"
We hugged quickly. I'd become a lot closer with my brother over the years, as moving out strangely helped us mend our childish discord and old tensions. Martyn and I didn't see each other a ton, but it was always fun when we caught up.
"This is Dan, my best friend and flatmate."
Martyn smirked. "Mm, I see. Nice to finally meet you, Dan."
I coughed, giving my brother a look, and pulled at Dan's hand to get him to sit down next to me. My parents came in, all smiles, and we began to pile food on our plates.
"God, this is amazing," remarked Dan a few minutes in, swallowing a mouthful of mashed potatoes.
My dad beamed. "Thank you."
"I'm no great shakes at cooking, but luckily my husband is," said Mum, giving him a fond look.
"That's true," Martyn added. "She's terrible at everything but cereal."
Dan laughed. "Sounds like me before I moved in and Phil taught me how to cook. I can make a mean chicken curry now."
My mum raised her eyebrows at me, and I pretended to ignore her.
"It's been fun, having a best friend live with you," continued Dan, cutting his turkey. "Like a never-ending sleepover."
Martyn snickered. "I bet."
Dan looked vaguely uncomfortable, and went back to his food.
"Mart!" I hissed. "Shut it!" To punctuate my point, I kicked him under the table. It was satisfying to see his eyes widen almost comically with surprise.
To his credit, he didn't say anything to embarrass me further, but simply glared at me.
"So, Phil," said my mum, "How's Charlie been? You know, since..." She trailed off, regretting bringing it up.
I decided to spare her. "I haven't talked to him. Hope he's all right, though. Obviously."
Dan stabbed a potato with unnecessary viciousness.
"Any new... people in your life?" asked Martyn, flicking his eyes between me and Dan.
"No," I said pointedly. "Not yet."
Mart sighed heavily, glancing up to the ceiling as if imploring the gods to save him.
He was being pretty obvious, and I hoped Dan was clueless enough to just take it in stride. Martyn had always been involved in my love life. He'd always thought it hilarious to try and set me up with anyone and everyone. And now, for some reason, he thought Dan and I were...secretly together, or something. God, he was so, so stupid. And I chastised myself guiltily for
wishing he were right.
Wait, What?
Wishing he was right? Where the hell had that come from? Oh, God, not this again. Ever since that night on the couch, I'd been feeling some weird stuff towards Dan. Like, mega-weird. I'd found myself drawing nearer to him, like he was a magnet and I was some poor paper clip who couldn't help but gravitate towards him. I'd been thinking about him all the time, too much, in fact, to constitute a simply aesthetic attraction. I was lonely. That was it, right? Lonely and wishing I had some sort of relationship, no matter how fucked-up.
Okay. I decided to shelve those thoughts for another time. Package them neatly, label them with a big Warning sign, and open them up later, when I was alone and had time to think. I couldn't deal with this now, not when my family was staring at me because I hadn't said a word in three minutes.
"What?"
"I said," explained my mum patiently, "It's time for dessert."
...
"Your family is so nice!" Dan staggered into the cab, arms laden with containers full of leftovers and other presents my mum had pressed on us on our way out the door.
"Are they?" I said absentmindedly, still brooding.
Dan looked dumbfounded. "Er, yeah? So much nicer than mine," he added.
I instantly felt guilty. While Dan's family had seemed nice enough, there was a certain chilliness and politeness I'd felt in the air. My family was more open, louder and happier.
"I liked your parents," I said defensively. "My parents and Martyn always embarrass me."
Dan shrugged. "I suppose. I thought it was cute, you getting all flustered." Then he swallowed and sat back against the seat, the tips of his ears getting red and eyes closing, like he couldn't believe he'd said that.
My heart started to pound, and I felt a lot braver, but somehow shy, as well. "Oh, well... I thought Martyn was being ridiculous. Insinuating... I don't know..."
He snorted, "Yeah. Your brother's a bit weird. Giving us those strange looks all night... I thought I had sauce on my chin."
"You did."
"Okay, that's beside the point. Get over it. Get over it. Get over it."
"Never."
We giggled until we reached the flat.
See, this is what I couldn't ruin, I reflected as I trudged up the steps, toting loads of packages in my arms. I couldn't destroy this incredible friendship on a few random butterflies. Dan was attractive, he was available, and I saw him every day. My lonely self was latching onto him to avoid making any real contact with the world. That was all these weird feelings were about.
Weren't they?
