The fire lit the backyard, illuminating everyone's faces and making them look mysterious in the dark. Dan sat between me and Gabrielle, something purposeful that I didn't fail to notice.
"Well, first day down," remarked Louise, snuggling her head into Chris's shoulder and beaming at all of us. "How's it feeling, guys?"
"Amazing." Gabrielle sighed. "I feel so much better, spending time away from the city."
"Don't we all," remarked PJ, nursing his second beer. Chris had abstained this time, a wise decision, I thought.
"So, what should we do?" asked Louise. "It's kinda boring, just sitting around a campfire and rehashing old conversations."
Chris groaned. "Lou, if you're trying to get us to play a stupid game..."
She shrugged, a twinkle in her eye. "I'm just making conversation."
PJ sat forward, a grin spreading over his face. "You know what, Chris. Let's play a stupid game. I know just the one, too." He rubbed his hands together evilly. "Never Have I Ever."
Dan suddenly went rigid in the seat next to me. "Oh my God," he whispered, his warm breath tickling my ear, "I haven't played this damn game since... I don't even know when."
"Me neither," I whispered back.
"So, the rules are: Players hold up five fingers. Anyone who has done the thing mentioned in the "Never have I ever . . ." statement puts one finger down. As players put down all their fingers, they are eliminated from the game. The winner of the game is the last remaining player with a
finger raised." Pj paused, looking around at us. "And no lying.Clear?"
We all nodded.
"Okay. I'll start. Never have I ever... er, ridden a bike."
Louise and Dan groaned in unison. "PJ! Lame."
"Sorry, sorry, okay. Never have I ever gone, um, skinny-dipping."
Oh, God.
I slowly put one finger down, my face heating and probably turning a bright shade of red.
"Phil's gone skinny-dipping?" Louise smothered an incredulous laugh.
"Hey! It was a long time ago, okay? And besides, I'm not the only one with their finger down."
It was true. Everyone had one finger down except PJ. He shrugged.
"What? I'm a classy lady."
I rolled my eyes, and he pointed at me. "YOU! You go next."
"Er, alright. Okay. Um, never have I ever... lied about my age." I looked pointedly at Dan.
"Oh my God! Phil, you said you'd never tell anyone about that!"
Gabrielle narrowed her eyes at Dan. "Wait, you lied about your age? How old are you?"
"I'm 20."
"Really?"
"Yes! It was one time, when I was like 17. I lied about my age to a girl I dated. She was four years older, whatever."
"Wow, Dan," Louise giggled. "That's not that bad."
All eyes swung to her. She'd put a finger down, as well. Louise shrugged.
"Just to get into an American club."
"Ah." Chris nodded, then sat up. "My turn. Never have I ever..." He glanced at Pj, and
swallowed. "Kissed a boy."
It's like everyone wanted me to lose. I put one finger down, glancing around at the others. Louise and Gabrielle, unsurprisingly, put their fingers down. PJ looked at Chris like he wanted to kill him.
"It was one time." He took a breath. "It's not like I'm gay or anything. It was... I don't know. I don't know."
In the midst of the drama, I stole a glance at Dan's hand. He hadn't put a finger down. I blew out a long breath, turning away.
I don't know what I'd been expecting, to be honest. He'd dated girls, of course, but he'd been sending out some pretty strong signals my way... or so I thought. Maybe I was misinterpreting our closeness as something more, something different from what it actually was. God, I was analyzing
this so much my head swirled. Get a grip, Phil, I chided myself, he doesn't feel that way. It's all in your head.
"Okay." Chris slumped back in his seat. "It doesn't matter, PJ."
Gabrielle looked from Chris to PJ, the wheels spinning in her head. She nodded knowingly, taking another swig of beer. "My turn. Never have I ever gotten so drunk I passed out."
Chris and Dan put their fingers down and I smiled, remembering the time Dan fell asleep on the couch after his disaster of a date with Cat. Things were simpler back then, and I felt a brief pang, knowing that we'd changed too much for those times to ever come back.
"Dan!" laughed Gabrielle, placing a hand on his knee. My eye twitched.
"I was young and stupid, give me a break," he responded, nudging her playfully.
"Never," she said, her voice suddenly low and seductive. Dan grinned and I scowled.
Louise raised her eyebrows. "If you two are done flirting, it's my turn," she sniffed.
"Okay, Louise, go," I said, just wanting to get this game over with so I could go inside and lie down.
"Never have I ever shagged someone in an airline loo!" she blurted excitedly.
I raised my eyes to the heavens and put down a finger, loathing Louise.
"Phil--"
"Not even gonna ask," muttered Chris, rolling his eyes into his beer. "I don't want to know."
Dan sat on the edge of his seat. "I do," he said. "Spill, Phil." He then laughed at his unintentional rhyme. Dork.
"It was this guy named Darryl who I'd met a few days before, and he was really hot, so I thought hey, why not? And that's all." I put my beer down and stood up. "I'm really tired, guys. I'm going inside for a bit."
"Awww..." whined Louise, pouting adorably. But she waved me off with a stern, "You owe me time, Lester."
"Hey, does this mean he's out?" I could hear PJ asking, voices fading off as I shut the door behind me. I leaned against the wall, closing my eyes. There were so many things raging inside that I hardly knew what to deal with first. Anger, resentment, jealousy, guilt, embarrassment... they mixed inside my stomach to create a deadly potion. I liked Dan. I really, really did. If he were anyone else, anyone else, I would tell him how I felt. But he was Dan, and he was my very best friend in the world. I could not endanger that.
Give. Up. The little voice inside my head pleaded for me to listen. The little voice was usually right.
I resolved to do just that. Give up my conquest and never tell Dan how I felt. It was the best option, the right thing to do.
So why did it feel... wrong?
...
The second day at the house was fairly uneventful. We swam, ate, drank, talked... It was so fun I managed to put the Dan Issue (as I now called it) to the back of my mind. But the night was not as uneventful.
"It's so cold out here," chattered Gabrielle, rubbing her arms in an effort to stay warm. "Why, oh why didn't I bring thicker l clothes?"
"Go inside if you're cold, Elle," said Dan, rolling his eyes. Wow. They'd gotten close enough for nicknames. I didn't notice, of course.
"But then I won't be out here with you," she giggled sheepishly.
That slick bastard. I was grudgingly impressed with her tactics. Dan looked at me, grinned, and opened his arms to pull Gabrielle into an embrace.
I clenched my jaw so hard it ached.
"Are you okay, Phil?" asked Louise.
Maybe I wasn't being so subtle.
"Yeah, I'm perfect."
We sat outside for another half hour, until the cold was too much and we went inside.
"Goodness," said PJ, smirking at me. "Where have Dan and Gabrielle got to, now?"
Damn it.
Damn it.
They were nowhere to be seen.
