It was the final full day of our holiday at Louise's, and she was determined to make it count. She'd bought streamers, alcohol, balloons, cake, and much more to make it an actual party.
"Lou," said Gabrielle through a mouthful of cake, "This is lovely."
She and Dan had been spending a lot of time together, something I'd tried to put out of my mind. Louise's cheeks reddened, and she beamed at all of us. "Always happy to host my friends."
How I appreciated Louise.
PJ put on some music, and we relaxed against our seats, eating cake and laughing. It was so easy to get swept up in the comradery of the group. But, as always, the Dan Issue niggled at the back of my mind, my innards roaring in jealousy whenever Gabrielle touched him.
It got late, and the stars glimmered overhead as we once again sat around a crackling fire. I felt a strange sort of premature nostalgia, even though we hadn't left yet. Time felt like wax dripping
from a candle, solidifying all too soon and in the wrong shapes, and my throat tightened as I began to think about all the opportunities I'd missed with Dan.
Dan was... he was a beautiful enigma that wasn't at all mysterious or strange once you got to know him. He was the sun brightening over mountainous peaks, the shadow of a whisper, the colour of deep sea. He was something different than anything I'd ever known, and this should
have frightened me but it didn't, not now. I knew him too well. And I loved him too deeply to ever regret meeting him but... I would always wonder what my life would be if we hadn't. If we hadn't become friends, if I hadn't fallen in love, if he'd moved out two months after he arrived at
my doorstep. I shivered, the thought of never knowing him making my stomach twist and my skin prickle. Before I'd consciously thought about it, I clumsily rose and stumbled to the back of the house, breathing harshly. The moon was bright and cast a welcome glow over the grass so I didn't fall and kill myself in the darkness.
I passed a shaking hand over my face, not understanding why I was so panicky.
"Phil?"
I stilled. Of course it was him.
"Hey," I said, willing my voice to sound normal. He was a statue, the moonlight casting strange shadows on the contours of his face.
"Are you all right?"
I wanted to say yes, but I was tired of lying to him. "Not particularly."
His eyebrows pulled together in concern, and he took another step closer. "What's wrong?"
I half-laughed, the sound more sigh than amusement. "I can't really tell you, Daniel."
"Why not?"
My heart was pounding faster than it ever had. "I don't know. Maybe I'm being stupid, but—" I broke off. This was a bad, bad idea. "Never mind."
"Tell me, Philip." I turned my gaze away from him, studying the grass at my feet. I said nothing, "Phil." He grabbed me by the shoulders, forcing me to look him in the eyes, and I suddenly realized how close we were. This was not good. This was, potentially, Very Bad.
"Phil, I swear to God, if you don't tell me what's bothering you, by Kanye himself, I will—"
"I'm in love with you, you idiot!"
Boom. There it was. I'd really done it. I'd wrecked the perfect friendship. I forced myself to keep my eyes open to deal with the inevitable fallout.
Except... he wasn't backing away in disgust and wiping his hands on his jeans. He didn't look angry or sickened at all.
Dan's eyes were wide, huge, non-blinking. His lips parted slightly. I saw a dimple start to form in his left cheek.
"Phil Lester," he breathed, still not letting go of my shoulders. Terrible, terrible hope started re-inflating my heart.
"I'm—I'm sorry—" I squeaked, not knowing quite what was going on.
He shook his head slowly, marvelously. "No. No," he said, voice going low and husky. "Don't."
My hands nervously hovered at his sides, for once not taking charge.
"So..." I said softly, daring to broach the subject.
"So."
We looked at each other, moonlight illuminating us in the cold of night. My nervous hands deliberately, tentatively, made their way to his face, settling gently on either side of his face. His skin was soft and smooth as silk.
I leaned in, staring into his eyes, stopping a little every second to make sure it was okay. He nodded shallowly. I could feel his pulse throbbing in time with mine under my pinkie finger.
Our lips touched and I closed my eyes. His mouth was warm, giving easily to mine. The kiss was simple, sweet, slow.
His hands ran down the length of my sides, stopping to settle at my waist. I still held his face in mine.
We pulled away after a minute, resting our foreheads against each other. I felt something rising in me then, something so deep and so powerful that I couldn't describe it if I wanted to.
"I love you too, by the way," said Dan. "Just in case you couldn't pick up on that."
I started to laugh, and so did he, a relieved, high-pitched giggle I didn't know either of us was capable of making.
We stepped away, sliding our hands down to drop at our sides. Neither of us talked; not a word was needed.
There was a brief moment of something that passed between us, just me and Dan.
He took my hand and we walked back to the fireside, together.
-----&-----
A/N.
FINALLY! PHAN IS REEEAAALLLL.
BEAT YOUR HEART OUT GUYS!
