Safety

Chapter 18

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Soundtrack

Secrets - One Republic
Need something that I can confess
Till all my sleeves are stained red
From all the truth that I've said

Everybody Wants to Be a Cat - Disney
I've heard some corny birds
Who try to sing
Still a cat's the only cat
Who knows how to swing

***

Despite Tilly's promise to end things with who I assume is her boyfriend, I can't help worrying about her. I assured her she could call me if she needed anything, but my phone has remained quiet.

I mean, I still see her every day at lunch, but she's different. She smiles, but it doesn't reach her eyes. She laughs, but the sound is dry, almost robotic. She's there, but her mind is a thousand miles away.

The part of me that's used to picking up the broken pieces wants to shield her from it all, or if nothing else, offer her a shoulder to cry on.

Still, I can't very well pull her aside to talk with her brother sitting there, thanks to my spur-of-the-moment promise not to tell him. A promise that I'm already beginning to regret, but know I can't break. If I do, she'll think she has nowhere to turn except back into the arms of her antagonist, confusing her fear for his love.

So I stay silent, allowing the secret to drown me in the hope that she'll be able to breathe again.

***

As I walk into the barn Sunday morning, I find that I'm they only one here.

Normally, I'd be a little unnerved, but today I find myself feeling grateful for the peace. Around me the world is quiet, save for the sounds that accompany horses. A whinny here, a nicker there. Hooves pawing at the ground.

I grab Alice's halter and lead from the tack room before heading out to catch her.

Now that she has a clean bill of health, I asked Levi to start turning her out during the day so that she can get a chance to be a horse rather than being cooped up in her stall.

I spot her grazing near the center of the pasture, and call out to her.

The mare's ears flicker, and she lifts her head for a moment, as if trying to locate where the voice is coming from.

At the sight of me, she snorts, and returns to munching the grass.

Still annoyed with the workout she had yesterday, I suppose.

Since getting cleared by the vet, I've ridden Alice twice in the ring and once on the trail. Yesterday in particular was a particularly vigorous ride. Though we only walked and trotted, she's been out of the saddle for so long that she's still building up her muscles.

"You're seriously going to make me come all the way out there?" I ask, mostly to myself, as I slip through the gate and walk briskly out to meet her. Halfway there, I pause.

Though I planned to take her out on a trail today, I can't bring myself to disturb her. With her massive head dipped low in the grass and the sun shining on her coat, she looks so at peace.

I sigh softly, hanging the halter on the fence and heading to the center of the field to be with Alice.

I sit criss-cross in the grass a few feet away from her, observing. 

My eyes drift around the field, lingering a few seconds on the other horses present. But they always return to Alice.

For a while, she stands her ground. When it dons on her that I'm not going to fetch her like I usually would, the mare closes the distance between us, nuzzling my knee before returning to the grass.