The Flat

20

And now here I was, sat in the corner of a busy pub, watching everyone go about their Friday nights. I needed a strong drink.

Beginning to shiver, I realised I was crying again. My nose was starting to run and I was making undignified noises like some problematic machine. It had been like this all evening; one minute I was staring aimlessly at strangers, the next moment I was consumed with misery and wanting to fall off the face of the earth. If this was what drinking did, maybe it wasn't so great after all.

My make-up was gone and my eyelids were swollen. I looked exactly how I felt, miserable. Surely, I wasn't expecting to look up and see a single soul. Nonetheless, Harry slipping into the seat by me.

"Hello, Vivian." He greeted, then smirked at my startled expression. "You've been ignoring my calls."

He'd caught me completely off guard. I hadn't seen him in about a week and honestly never thought about how I'd react the first time we bumped into each other since our parting had been far from amicable.

"I don't have to answer to you." I spat miserably.

"Yes you do. I have a flatmate looking to move in at the end of the month and you need to work out the deposit situation with her. Remember?"

"Okay, I'll be sure to answer the next time you call." I managed to get out.

"Lovely." He smiled innocently and it made my skin crawl. "You don't look too happy. This boyfriend of yours, he wouldn't happen to have anything to do with your crying, would he?"

My arms prickled with goosebumps. Phew, talk about being blunt. There was a long pause. Upstairs in the pub, a few girls were singing tunelessly along to 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' by Cyndi Lauper.

Finally I answered, defensively, "What's it to you?"

"Look," he said evenly, "we were flatmates, friends if you will. I still care when I see you upset."

Shakily I smiled, though my eyes were suddenly bright with tears. To think that my entire life could have been so different. If I hadn't walked away, I wouldn't be devastated and homeless...And what was I to do now? I thought.

I no longer wanted anything to do with Aaron, that was for sure. Not after tonight.

"Let's put what's happened between us aside. Besides, you know as well as I do that if you hadn't left that Saturday afternoon, things would have gone further...but how long would we have lasted? A week? A month? A decade?" He shrugged, presenting me with a done deal. "That's the trouble, isn't it? We just don't know. And now we're not going to get the chance to find out, because you have your boyfriend. It is slightly disappointing, but it's not a catastrophe."

"Right." I felt the goosebumps subside in defeat. So, he wasn't interested in me anymore.

"If you didn't want him, you wouldn't have left." He went on. "Long term, you realised that he's probably a safer bet than I am. The devil you know, versus the devil you simply lived with. And there's no need to look at me like that, I'm just being honest."

At that, I immediately realised I had a screwed up face.

"Basically, you made your decision, and it's fine. I can handle it. I'm not going to lock myself in my flat and drink myself to death."

"As you shouldn't." I was finding it increasingly difficult to sound natural; my breathing had gone to pot. For a moment I was tempted to blurt out, "I've broken up with Aaron!"

But I didn't. Telling Harry that would be a bit silly now. It was a pretty pointless exercise if he wasn't interested in me anymore. I was inwardly miffed; clearly I was far less important to him than I'd imagined. Then again, as Harry himself had pointed out, he was the devil I didn't know.

My voice breaking with emotion, I said, "I'd better find my way home. I guess I'll see you around."

•••

Hours later, I was stood outside the front door of my former flat, knocking. I was about to knock a third time when the door clicked open. I smiled and felt my heart begin to gather speed. Colour rushed to my cheeks and my stomach clenched tighter than toddler clutching a sweet.

Harry's smile dropped as his gaze fell on me. He rubbed his eyes; looking like he'd been jerked out of bed by the annoying doorbell I'd been pressing.

"I'm so sorry, did I wake you?'

It was half one in the morning and I was at his doorstep in my dress from earlier in the evening, clutching my handbag for dear life. Harry had had an outfit change, now in only grey sweatpants hanging low on his hips like he'd simply thrown it on a minute ago.

"Not exactly." He said, leaning towards the door frame. "What can I help you with?"

"I...I can't go home." I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes as I disclosed, "I don't have a home."

"What do you mean you don't have a home?"

"I...Aaron and I split up." Realisation dawned on him quite promptly. He knew why I was here. There was no need to beat about the bush. "I was wondering if I could stay here for tonight or even move back..." I trailed off.

"I don't think you can spend the night here. Besides, the room is taken. I'm sorry." He said, not remotely sorry.

Hot tears trickled down my cheeks at his response. For some reason, I felt the need to challenge him.

"No it's not," I countered. "The new tenant and I haven't worked out the deposit yet. Remember?"

"Look, Vivian, I've made my decision. I'm giving the room to Jane." He informed in the coldest tone.

"Bullshit," I sneered. "So why is the advertisement still up?"

"Beats me really." He shrugged nonchalantly and began to close the door.

"Harry," I placed my hand on the door to stop it from closing. "I'm here begging for my flat back."

"And I'm telling you it's taken."

"Okay." I accepted. "If I didn't know better, I would say you've already moved on."

"Not like there were many choices."

Harry's total indifference made it hard to tell if I should keep trying to persuade him or leave all together. He did look ready to shut the door in my face. I had to get out of there before I did something stupid, like saying what came out of my mouth next. "I love you."

Mortified, I heard a voice from inside the flat call to Harry,
"Baby, who is it?"

A husky, sexy female voice, needless to say.

My eyes widened and I'm pretty sure my mouth dropped open. Harry had already turned from me, his interest on whoever it was inside. "Just a minute, love."

"Do come back to bed," she said.

Deeply ashamed of myself, I retreated down the hallway, walking backwards.